Hey everyone, 
I've been brainstorming for a very short film that I'm making and I would love some outside ideas. I have a rough script (completed) but I feel like I'm over thinking it and I can't tell anymore what's good vs what's stupid. Now this idea isn't supposed to win any awards or anything but I just want it to be good and not garbage.
I would love ANY sort of ideas whether it be dialogue, camera shoots, sequences, plot revisions, story elements, etc...
It doesn't have to be big nor do I expect one person to fix the entire concept. So even if you have one small cool or interesting suggestion feel free to post it down below! Thanks!
Be as CRITICAL as you need to be. This isn't my best work so I have a feeling it's kinda bad
Note: We have to shoot within a school so I'm kinda limited by that (creativly work around).
Summary:
In a hunt for a serial killer Detective Frantin & Detective Daniel are able to find a potential next victim but don't have a clue where he/she is. Questioning one of the potential victims friends, Dan learns where to find the victim and sends Frantin to get him/her. However Frantin finds a dead body and realizes that the killer must be already there. Without time to spare Frantin goes in alone but someone is there waiting for him. Meanwhile Dan realizes that there is something ominous about the victims friend.
Tension ensues, so on and so on. So it turns out that the person Daniel is questioning is actually the killer and the shadowy figure stalking Frantin, which he shoots out of fear, is the trapped victim.
Duh duh duh or whatever.
If you want more info here is a quick plot run down part by part.
PART 1
-There are 2 detectives trying to find a serial killer. They were able to save the last victim but the killer is still out there.
-It's early morning and Detective Frantin is telling his partner Dan about how he found a potential next victim. But they can't find her/him so they brought in one of his/her friends for questioning
PART 2: (Cutting between Dan & Frantin)
-The friend provides Dec. Dan with an address, which he tells Frantin to scout out while he finishes with questions.
-Upon Fantin's arrival to the address (a small gym), he finds a dead corpse and hears movement. Dan not answering his phone, Frantin goes in solo to try and save the victim before it's too late.
-In further questioning Dan becomes suspicious of the friend and notes his perfect attire despite having the police unexpectedly knock at his door at 5 am.
-Further tension develops and the "friend" seems to have some ominous connection with the killer
-Entire sequence of Frantin moving through the gym's basement and being stalked by what we presume to be the killer.
-Frantin is able to shoot the stalker. Looking closer we see that the stalker turns out to be the victim who was previously tied up by the killer and the killer turns out to be the "friend" Dan was questioning.
-Killer happily confesses knowing what just happened
End
I've been brainstorming for a very short film that I'm making and I would love some outside ideas. I have a rough script (completed) but I feel like I'm over thinking it and I can't tell anymore what's good vs what's stupid. Now this idea isn't supposed to win any awards or anything but I just want it to be good and not garbage.
I would love ANY sort of ideas whether it be dialogue, camera shoots, sequences, plot revisions, story elements, etc...
It doesn't have to be big nor do I expect one person to fix the entire concept. So even if you have one small cool or interesting suggestion feel free to post it down below! Thanks!
Be as CRITICAL as you need to be. This isn't my best work so I have a feeling it's kinda bad
Note: We have to shoot within a school so I'm kinda limited by that (creativly work around).
Summary:
In a hunt for a serial killer Detective Frantin & Detective Daniel are able to find a potential next victim but don't have a clue where he/she is. Questioning one of the potential victims friends, Dan learns where to find the victim and sends Frantin to get him/her. However Frantin finds a dead body and realizes that the killer must be already there. Without time to spare Frantin goes in alone but someone is there waiting for him. Meanwhile Dan realizes that there is something ominous about the victims friend.
Tension ensues, so on and so on. So it turns out that the person Daniel is questioning is actually the killer and the shadowy figure stalking Frantin, which he shoots out of fear, is the trapped victim.
Duh duh duh or whatever.
If you want more info here is a quick plot run down part by part.
PART 1
-There are 2 detectives trying to find a serial killer. They were able to save the last victim but the killer is still out there.
-It's early morning and Detective Frantin is telling his partner Dan about how he found a potential next victim. But they can't find her/him so they brought in one of his/her friends for questioning
PART 2: (Cutting between Dan & Frantin)
-The friend provides Dec. Dan with an address, which he tells Frantin to scout out while he finishes with questions.
-Upon Fantin's arrival to the address (a small gym), he finds a dead corpse and hears movement. Dan not answering his phone, Frantin goes in solo to try and save the victim before it's too late.
-In further questioning Dan becomes suspicious of the friend and notes his perfect attire despite having the police unexpectedly knock at his door at 5 am.
-Further tension develops and the "friend" seems to have some ominous connection with the killer
-Entire sequence of Frantin moving through the gym's basement and being stalked by what we presume to be the killer.
-Frantin is able to shoot the stalker. Looking closer we see that the stalker turns out to be the victim who was previously tied up by the killer and the killer turns out to be the "friend" Dan was questioning.
-Killer happily confesses knowing what just happened
End