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watch Need feedback/criticism - 14 minute comedy short, professional masturbator

Hi folks

So I wrote and directed this short and last month we won directors choice at a film festival in Belfast. My friends all really like it and the people at the festival did as well but I know theres a lot of room for improvement, I'm just hoping some of you can point me in the right direction.

Here's the film, I'd advise watching the first two minutes before deciding whether to watch the rest https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6Jc187uLO4

I'll give my own self-analysis, maybe don't read this until you've finished watching the film yourself:

What I like - the composer did a really nice job, I like the over the top acting, attempted to give a film about a professional masturbator pathos

What I'd like to do better - I think the story took a backseat to the funny moments, to the point where the story doesn't come through as much as I would have liked; paced weirdly, theres a massive jump between the end of the restaraunt scene and to him having all his realisations, feel like there should be a scene in between those two scenes; too much narration, used narration as an easy way of explaining the story instead of explaining the story in a more interesting visual way; would have been interesting to see the acting more subtle and realistic, could have been funnier to have more natural acting contrasting with how ridiculous the plot is

Okay, so let me know what you all think, I'd really really appreciate the feedback if you have any. Thankyou!
 
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I watched the first 2 minutes. I think you could have started at 1:28 and wouldn't miss anything important.

Hey Sweetie, thanks for the comment. Yeah I guess we could have shortened that a bit, only thing is a lot of the narration in that first part is called back to later in the film. Would be awesome if anyone has the 14 minutes free to watch the whole thing, I'm just writing the script for the next project now and so some constructive criticism for this film would do my next project a lot of good. Thanks
 
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