archived-videos Need critique of opening sequence (Death shall Die short film)

From a technical standpoint:

The biggest problem here is the audio; The SFX of the gunshot doesn't fit with the environment and sounds fake. The part where the old man suddenly says something has a hissing room tone jump in and out of silence. Some areas randomly have no sound like the car door, where there is nothing that hints it should be this way.

The muzzle-flash on the gun is a bit too much. Make it less saturated and slightly smaller I think. It should be exposed as much as the highest lights in that shot.

From a narrative standpoint:

It's perplexing. I'm not sure what's going on. Looks like this old man is having a shit day. The one part that I felt something was when he went into hiding and yet the bald guy found him. There was that slight moment of terror that's worth holding on too. I was not expecting him to get stabbed. Even though I have no clue what any of these guys are about.
 
It is all over the place in technical and artistic aspects. Very rushed rhythm and generally quite confusing "narrative". as we as an audience don't know any of these guys,we don't really care if they get shot or killed,because they are unknowns.
 
I think the background sound should come down in the beginning. I think the music should be louder. The gunshot sounded fine.

I think the light in the scene looks great.

Because the voice of the old man is too loud on the same frequency as the background sounds - if you have an eq on that mid low turn it down. Try removing (lowering) unwanted frequencies rather than boosting the ones you want. Then boost only a very small amount.

I think you should either have the beginning with the gunshot and go from there or go through the whole sequence with the old man till the end, not do both.
 
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