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watch My very first short - Psychological Thriller

This was the very first short film I ever made. It has some audio and lighting issues that can be seen in the video, but please bare in mind it was our first try. I've been tinkering with it in the editing room to see if I can make it better, but this is as far as I could get in the short time I've had to work on it. It is a psychological thriller about a woman investigating her younger brother's disappearance from a mental hospital, but there is a mystery that has the psychiatrists baffled. Please tell me what you think!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fEJcSP7mtg&feature=youtu.be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fEJcSP7mtg&feature=youtu.be
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
I've been tinkering with it in the editing room but this is as far as I could get in the short time I've had to work on it.

So it's not finished yet then? Might be a little hasty in posting it here
Certainly doesn't inspire me to spend my time watching it if you haven't spent the time to make it right
 

Alcove Audio

Business Member
indieBIZ
I got about a minute in.

The dialog is VERY inconsistent - very "roomy" in the opening, difficult to understand, and the levels are all over the place. You really need to address these issues. (I won't even go into the stilted, stumbling performances.)
 
Actually posted it to get feedback and see what else can be improved... I know it is not the best work but wanted to see what people feel about it and the mistakes they might point at. It was very amateur so thats why its so full of mistakes.
 
Audio was very difficult to follow due to poor audio capture.

Acting wise, I thought the woman was decent but the male was terrible.

It's a first short so well done. No one's first short is ever perfect.
 
bad audio and I really didnt understand a word - I managed to watch 20 seconds

but HEY! it's your first so... now you know what to improve with your second ;)
 
There may be a good story there, but I wasn't able to finish it.

Just a few thoughts of mine.

* Bouncy camera, I don't know about anyone else, but I found it distracting.

* Acting, it was pretty bad, but that can be expected for a first time. The woman had promise, but the guy seemed scared to be on camera.

* Dialog, it seemed as if English is not the actors first language and made the dialog come out awkwardly. If that is the case, I say redo it in the actors native language and then do subtitles.

* Dressing, maybe the guy should have been wearing dress shirt and slacks?

There's others, but those are just some things that popped out at me. Congratulations on making something! Keep on going because there's always room for improvement! :)
 
Thanks for the feedback. Actually posted it here to see what people thought could be improved. It is true that the actors' first language wasn't English so maybe that is why it is hard to understand, and they were first timers so no Oscar worthy performances there...
 
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