My Film Frames need your Help!!!

[Mirman10]

I would love some feedback on it and what you guys think I could incorporate to make it better. Also sorry if its confusing.

GOOD MOOD
Music- Green Light Aloe Blacc

Scene 1- House
Frames
1. Zoomed out frame on my entire body Reading a book
2. Zoom in onto my hand turning the page
3. Zoom out and I’m outside (Downtown)
Scene2- Downtown
Frames (DayTime)
1. Zoom out while I stand up and put the book down
2. Stead-cam of me walking forward past the camera(180’)
Scene 3- Candy Cane Park
Frames (DayTime)
1. Walking onto the bridge thing by Candy Cane Park.
2. Camera begin me wide angle looking at the view
3. Camera to my right looking at my face looking at the view

Scene 3- Downtown
Frames (NiteTime)
1. Side Angle as I’m walking down the brightly lit street
2. Behind me angle as I walk down the street
3. Zoomed in on wait to walking sign
4. Right up beside my head while I cross a street (slowly move side ways and backwards)
5. Car darts out at me slams on the breaks (side angle of car coming to a complete stop infront of me)
6. Camera on my upper body (noticing my reaction)
7. I walk beside the car ( camera does a 180’)
8. Guy starts yelling at me ( while music starts to play quietly)
9. Before I start to talk back I put on a smile (camera on my face)
10. I walk away ( camera in front of car to the right of me)
11. Black Screen.

 

[maralyn]

Hmm ....

ok, firstly, just pretend there is no such thing as zooming. They used it back in the 70's a lot, and now nothing from the 70's is watchable.

Never zoom.

It looks like roughly what's happening here, is, you're reading a book, you get up and go outside, you walk for a bit, you look at the view, you walk a bit more, and then you nearly get hit by a car.

If you run that through your mind, like you're watching the film, how does it look? How much time does it take?

20 seconds?

From your shot list, you've got 10 shots, that's like a shot every 2 seconds. That's a very fast pace for cutting, is that what you want?

Also, maybe others do it differently, but usually it's more like:

close up CU - that's head and shoulders give or take a bit

Extreme close up ECU - small details

mid shot, or medium wide MS - two people in shot

or wide shot WS - street scape

It is a good idea to write a script of your sequence first, so that you're describing what you're seeing, rather than what you think you should be seeing.

Don't use your mind, use your vision.

 

[harmonica44]

It might be okay to zoom I suppose as long as you make it look good. They still do it in some Hollywood movies anyway.

 

[FantasySciFi]

Being an indie filmmaker means trying out new techniques, breaking some rules, thinking outside of the box. I interpret your "zoom" as a transition device. Like some of the TV commercials which shift focus to one item by pan or zoom which then spawns the next sequence.

Fashion is something which cycles usually every 20-25 years. So 1970+40 years is about 2010. So, yeah, the 70's should be re-emerging as a cool "retro" style. Judging by the appearance of bell bottoms, the re-make of 70's television, I'd say you're right on target. We even saw the revival of "silent film" with "The Artist".

It seems like the music video is relying on the lyrics to tell the story. For me, the weakness is this film doesn't really tell a story in itself; it's just a series of scenes. What I would suggest is to give 'yourself' a reason for wanting to go to Candy Cane Park.

What I would do is start off with you in a house/apartment sitting at a table trying to read with two people yelling at each other. You're sad, pick up your stuff, and head outside to escape it. Outside pick up with your script. If you wanted, you could also transition to a 'younger you' at Candy Cane Park. We see the younger you up until the car squeals. Then we see the 'older you' through to the end of your script. This creates a bit of an underlying story. That picks up on the "good mood" theme. The purpose is not to be innovative but for the visuals to complement the music and provide a complementary story.

Happy holidays.

 

[directorik]

I would love some feedback on it and what you guys think I could incorporate to make it better.

There are several things I would do differently. But that would be MY project,
not your project. I like what you have proposed. I think you should shoot it
exactly as you have it here. Then use your own creativity to see if that's the
project you want to present to others. On your next one make changes. Who
knows? Maybe you will find you really like zooms. But you won't know if you
don't try it.

 

[Mirman10]

There are several things I would do differently. But that would be MY project,
not your project. I like what you have proposed. I think you should shoot it
exactly as you have it here. Then use your own creativity to see if that's the
project you want to present to others. On your next one make changes. Who
knows? Maybe you will find you really like zooms. But you won't know if you
don't try it.

I decided to change it a bit to add a bit more content and to give the character a reason to be happy. Its kind of sadistic so its a cool twist I think at least. Do you guys think I should keep it like this or leave it like the original version?

Scene 3- Downtown
Frames (NiteTime)
1. Side Angle as I’m walking down the brightly lit street
2. Behind me angle as I walk down the street
3. Zoomed in on wait to walking sign
4. Right up beside my head while I cross a street (slowly move side ways and backwards)
5. Car darts out at me slams on the breaks (side angle of car coming to a complete stop in front of me)
6. Camera on my upper body (noticing my reaction)
7. I walk beside the car ( camera does a 180’)
8. Guy starts yelling at me ( while music starts to play quietly)
9. Before I start to talk back I put on a smile (camera on my face)


Text: The night before

Music Starts playing: Kid Cudi’s version of “where did you sleep last night”

Scene 4- The house/outside by the school
Frames (NiteTime)
1. Grabbing a knife out of the drawer( Frame on Drawer)
2. Tying his shoe lace ( Frame on foot to shin)
3. Different Man shown walking forward (from Behind)
4. Main characters shown walking from drive way out of bay (Front View full body to upper body)
5. Other man shown walking still not noticing Main character come out of bay behind him.
6. Main character creepily walking behind him ( front angle of other man showing main character)
7. Main character admiring his knife while walking behind him(Frame on main character)
8. Main character stops at fence ending( Frame on main character)
9. Other man turns right to go to the park walking in the gravel( Frame behind him)
10. Main character follows him but goes into the bushes area ( wide angle lense showing both men walking forward)
11. other man starting to get paranoid and starting to look into the bush (Frame infront of man)
12. Main character slowly creeping through the bushes(Side angle view, showing both men walking)
13. Main character stops for a second to smile( close up on face)
14. Main character darts out of the bushes ( angled in front to the right of the man while he runs out
15. Main character jumps on other character ( Frame behind the other man)
16. Main character starts stabbing him and stops and starts getting up (from below angle looking up)
17. Wide angle view of the carnage
18. While man is standing up he gets a rag from his pocket and wipes his face off, and leans down to drag the man( Frame in front upper body shot)
19. The Main character drags the other man into the bushes ( Frame of mans head and arms getting pulled)
20. Man gets propped up beside the fence (Frame to the left widish angle)
21. Main character walks backwards to admire his work ( Frame of face)

Downtown Car Scene
22. I continue smiling and walk away ( camera in front of car to the right of me)
23. Black screen For 10 seconds

Outside of someones House (Bonus Scene)
24. Shows man smiling ( Frame of face)
25. Shows him looking at Christmas decorations
26. The end.