John 'The Warrior'

[welsh_gambit]

Hey guys, so after a random and somewhat weird long weekend I ended up writing this medieval comedy and I thought I'd upload it here to see what you guys think. It's a rough first draft and at the moment, I dont really know what to make of it

Synopsis

John, a peasant man, lives in ridicule by everyone he meets because of his 'disability'. So he decides to set out on a quest to rescue Princess Fanny from the evil Renard the Grim and his henchmen. On his travels he meets a drunken wizard, his dwarf assistant and a nervous assassin. Together they aim to right the wrongs done to them and gain the notoriety they deserve.

And here's the file if anyway fancies a read.

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0BwGCHVMmOSsFRml0RHdxX29YSE0

 

[mus]

I didn't have time to finish it but i really liked what i read

 

[NickClapper]

I only read the first few pages (unfortunately I have exams next week) but I can give a few points.

You need to make it more explicit in the script what's going on. The director will know how much to show onscreen, but be clear about what's happening so that it makes it easier to read. I am still a little unsure what the baby's disability is (he has a giant penis, right?).

I also think that with fantasy, comedy or not, it's important to get the pacing right. The first few scenes really fly by, almost montage style, and that makes it quite tough to follow. It might be easier to take one or two significant scenes from childhood before the riders arrive or, alternatively, write in a 'growing up montage'.

Just a couple of thoughts but it's great to see someone brave enough to try some fantasy! I'm sick of writers (like myself) only doing stuff set in 21st Century America (or England)

 

[mus]

i would have to agree on the statement regarding describing the actions better, however I felt the pacing was perfect.

 

[welsh_gambit]

thanks for the input guys (and sorry about the delay in replying, didnt realise anyone had commented) it started off as just a bit of fun but the more I look it over the more Ilm thinking of developing it further. Will keep you posted and thanks again