Horror Cliche

[PassionPulp]

I've been a long time horror fan, like many film enthusiasts. So I almost feel an obligation to contribute to the genre.
Something fresh too, not the stereotypical B or slasher movie.
Because of this, I went out of my way to eliminate the cliches that bug me so much.

Yes, it is about a group of young adults being preyed on. I'm not entirely proud of this premise. I've done lots to add color to the dim plot.
I've eliminated alcohol, cellular devices, intrusive character sub-plots. I've actually made an effort to portray the characters as likable. Not just party-hungry douches and sluts making horrible decisions and dying as a result from it.
I created it with Surrealist/Supernatural horror in mind, as I find I do well with more of a austere, ambient, creepy horror instead of jump scares and soulless gore.
All the while attempting to remain tasteful and unpretentious.

I need a great critique, because I enjoy when I've done something wrong. It gives me something to work and improve on.
Danke.

http://personal.crocodoc.com/9X0SO4g

 

[FantasySciFi]

I appreciate your comments, but the screenplay does register as 'horror' to me. It came across more as an unfinished adventure. Because the emotional component doesn't really resolve, it feels like there's more to come. The scenes themselves don't invoke fear or revulsion, though there is a sense of foreshadowing that is, again, never realized. I never get a sense that he won't come back for them. I never get a sense they are in danger. They seem to make no effort to save themselves to provoke a sense of futility. For me, it seems like "Act 1"--these are the main characters and this is the problem, they're stranded. Now I need the rest of the story.

Act 2 needs to have them trying to 'save' themselves. You mentioned 'stupid choices'. They can make 'smart choices' and still find themselves in difficult situations. They need to have more contact with the tribal members. Act 3 is when the full hope is dashed or the horror is realized.

So far, it seems like a group of 'meddling kids' on joyride in the desert who wind up stranded as their friend races off for help. Some creepy Native American scenes are tossed in as foreshadowing for something yet to be learned. That's "Jaw/Javelina" to this point from a reader/viewer's perspective. It feels like an interesting start and we're waiting for more to come.

I think it's good. It just needs more emotional completion. As it stands, the characters just seem the same as when they started. There needs to be some growth or change. That's part of the emotional resolution need to make the movie feel 'completed'.