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Help with synopsis

K

kaipoman

Im thinking it needs a little work. I hate writing these things.

Logline:

(Drama/Thriller) – After his ex-girlfriend is murdered and he becomes the prime suspect, a young man is blackmailed by the perpetrator into killing a complete stranger.

Synopsis:

Is the life of a complete stranger worth more than your happiness?

A random encounter between two strangers. Jeffrey, a recent college graduate, meets Logan, an established attorney, when they are the only patrons at a breakfast joint. Jeffrey is faced with an impending custody battle with his ex-girlfriend and their son. Logan, who is currently undergoing a bitter divorce, suggests a solution to both of their problems; each man murder the other man’s ex. Jeffrey assumes Logan is obviously joking, so he agrees with the proposition.

Soon after, Jeffrey’s ex-girlfriend is dead and Logan wants Jeffrey to hold up his end of the bargain. With an abundance of evidence and the element of motive working against him, Jeffrey must decide whether or not his happiness and freedom is worth the life of a woman he has never met.




Any comments would be appreciated.
 
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wow man, when I read the logline i was thinking "ehh looks alright" but after reading the synopsis, I really would like to see that made, sounds really interesting. Also, from reading your other thread, a few twists are involved which makes me want to see it more, good luck with this my man! very nice idea!
 
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rizien said:
i remember that basic story from some other story... two mean agree to kill the others ex because they couldnt get caught...but yea it sounds good
Click to expand...

Someone caught it. ;) The same setup was actually used in a Hitchcock film Strangers on a Train. Aside from the basic setup, however, the simliarities end there, which is why Im stressing about this synopsis.

I am trying to emphasize the internal struggle of the protag, while also touching on the battle of wits between the two adversaries. Good folks on the Done Deal message board have suggested perhaps adding in one of the major twists in the story (that the protag does indeed end up murdering the ex-wife at the end of Act II) but in my mind such a major plot development should not be given away beforehand.
 
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You could always make it that two women meet in a bar to further distance it from the Hitchcock film. You can create a more interesting story that way because it's a lot easier to create audience sympathy with a woman trying to get her husband killed than you can with a man trying to get his wife killed. All of which can build complexity.
 
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Your script reminds me very much of this movie, featuring Billy Crystal and Danny Devito.

Throw Momma From the Train (1987)

Plot Outline: A bitter ex-husband. A put upon Momma's boy. Both want their respective spouse and mother dead, but who will pull it off?
 
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buzzqwik said:
Your script reminds me very much of this movie, featuring Billy Crystal and Danny Devito.

Throw Momma From the Train (1987)

Plot Outline: A bitter ex-husband. A put upon Momma's boy. Both want their respective spouse and mother dead, but who will pull it off?
Click to expand...

I see the relation, but it was a comedy where no one died.

Poke
 
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