critique Hello, Mr. Cookie - short movie script, critique appreciated

[alb]

A bit of humour, a bit of science fiction, in a contemprorary setting. 9 minutes or less.

https://app.box.com/s/7lsu4ezy11l367ihrsx6

This is my first script ever. I'd like to know how awful, bad or not that bad it is to decide whether to try more screenwriting or not .

I am not a native speaker.

P.S. I bet people here got tired of such threads

 

[Jack Lynt]

Hey, nice start!

Of course you should try more screenwriting!

=)

 

[Birdman]

How's bout, "Goodbye Mr. Chocolate Chips"?

Just kidding!

Well done! Some of the dialogue could flow a little easier. It may be the way people speak to each other where you live, but seems a little ridged for me.

...It made me hungry!

-Birdman

 

[alb]

Thanks for motivation

Some of the dialogue could flow a little easier. It may be the way people speak to each other where you live, but seems a little ridged for me.

Thanks!

Are there any more oddities or evident faults you could tip?