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format Formatting Question

T

time2focus

I'm in a scene where my protagonist is in a car accident. She hits her head on the dashboard (she's the front passenger in a car that is hit from behind) and has a VERY SHORT lapse of consciousness, a brief disorientation if you will.

The accident is modeled after an accident I was in myself where I was in the passenger seat w/ no seat belt. We were hit from behind and I hit my head, got tossed around and looked up to find myself in the driver seat (and the driver was thrown in the back seat). It seemed like I blacked out or was just not fully presence ( I'm guessing from the adrenaline). Then I had that moment where it all sunk in.

This is what I am trying to create in my script. Since it's not a long time lapse, would the correct way to write it be:

INT. CAR - DRIVING DAY

Blah Blah Blah

Driving Driving Driving

Impact

CUT TO:

Opens eyes

Blah Blah Blah





OR, would it be:


INT. CAR - DRIVING DAY

Blah Blah Blah

Driving Driving Driving

Impact

INT. CAR - DISABLED MINUTES LATER

Opens eyes

Blah Blah Blah


OR, is it just a matter of preference? I really want to be as clear as possible with the formatting, so it does not distract the reader.
 
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There are many ways to do it. Some better, some worse but it largely comes down to preference. What one reader likes, another may not.

I'd use something along these lines.

INT. CAR (DRIVING) - DAY

Blah Blah Blah

Driving Driving Driving

Impact

CUT TO:

INT. CAR (CRASHED/INVERTED) - DAY

Opens eyes
​

With car slug headings I use brackets eg (DRIVING), (STOPPED), (CRASHED) etc. I saw this technique in a pro script and have copied it ever since.
 
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Whatever you do, remember that CLARITY FOR YOUR READER is the #1 goal.

INT. CAR - DAY

Janis makes a right.

EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY

A SPEEDING SEDAN slams into her.

BLACK

All is quiet.

INT. CAR - DAY

As Janis opens her eyes.

The loud chaos of fire engines and people clamoring to help floods her ears.
 
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What Paul and Brian said both work. Note that there are separate scenes for each in both of their suggestions. It is a separate scene.

I believe whether you have the CUT TO or not depends on the preferences on the reader. I personally prefer for it to not be there. I don't like it when writers put in their opinion to editing or directing instructions. Your next scene marker tells the reader that it's a cut or transition already. I recently worked on a script where the writer had SMASH CUT TO and DISSOLVE everywhere.

There is also an art form to balance the script size and the time it takes to read to the screen time. Having too much detail in the action can be as bad as having too little. Also, if it is your style, don't be afraid to entertain the reader a little while adding to the description. I've seen it used quite well in the past. I read an article about the writer of Lethal Weapon and I see huge merit in his writing style. It might not work for each of your target audience, but if it does, it's well worth considering.
 
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