Hello everyone.
I am currently in production on my second short film, which also happens to be my Final Major Project for college, 'Simon Says'.
I completed two drafts of the script. The final draft was edited for various reasons; Improvement was needed to particular scenes, the script needed to change to suit particular actors' availabilities, and because the story needed to be shortened but still try to explain in depth what was happening, cutting out the unrequired scenes. Obviously already being in production, this is purely for the basis of finding out what anybody thinks of the work before editing starts, and to see what can be changed or kept in place for future screenplays.
This is a short synopsis:
David Easton is a private Investigator with a shady past. Plagued with strange flashbacks to events he cannot comprehend, he has struggled with depression in his day-to-day life ever since an event took away his memories. David receives a call from Ruth Matheson, concerned and fearing for her younger sister’s safety after she meets with a mysterious hypnotist named Simon. Ellie cannot describe the events that took place during her meeting with Simon, but Ruth is aware something strange happened during their meeting, and it has taken a toll on Ellie. Ruth hires David to investigate Simon, hoping he can discover the mysterious circumstances surrounding Ellie’s meeting with Simon.
Please provide any feedback, positive or negative. I know it may not be written to the complete professional standard, but I'm learning as I'm going along. It's just mainly the content - story, dialogue etc.
Below are the two drafts. The Final Draft is the preferred draft I would want feedback on, but I have added the first draft if anyone was interested.
Thank You for taking your time to read either script if you do.
- Matt Summers
http://www.scribd.com/doc/141245542/Simon-Says-Script-Final-Draft
http://www.scribd.com/doc/141245069/Simon-Says-Script-First-Draft
I am currently in production on my second short film, which also happens to be my Final Major Project for college, 'Simon Says'.
I completed two drafts of the script. The final draft was edited for various reasons; Improvement was needed to particular scenes, the script needed to change to suit particular actors' availabilities, and because the story needed to be shortened but still try to explain in depth what was happening, cutting out the unrequired scenes. Obviously already being in production, this is purely for the basis of finding out what anybody thinks of the work before editing starts, and to see what can be changed or kept in place for future screenplays.
This is a short synopsis:
David Easton is a private Investigator with a shady past. Plagued with strange flashbacks to events he cannot comprehend, he has struggled with depression in his day-to-day life ever since an event took away his memories. David receives a call from Ruth Matheson, concerned and fearing for her younger sister’s safety after she meets with a mysterious hypnotist named Simon. Ellie cannot describe the events that took place during her meeting with Simon, but Ruth is aware something strange happened during their meeting, and it has taken a toll on Ellie. Ruth hires David to investigate Simon, hoping he can discover the mysterious circumstances surrounding Ellie’s meeting with Simon.
Please provide any feedback, positive or negative. I know it may not be written to the complete professional standard, but I'm learning as I'm going along. It's just mainly the content - story, dialogue etc.
Below are the two drafts. The Final Draft is the preferred draft I would want feedback on, but I have added the first draft if anyone was interested.
Thank You for taking your time to read either script if you do.
- Matt Summers
http://www.scribd.com/doc/141245542/Simon-Says-Script-Final-Draft
http://www.scribd.com/doc/141245069/Simon-Says-Script-First-Draft
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