Fantasy that leads to mental health issues

A

Anna20

Gonna write it short.

I don't know what to do with myself. Almost for 10 years I live creating characters, situations, scenes in my head and I have no motivation to write it down on paper.
This whole idea of writing screenplay that was supposed to be a way to find similar people to me to not to feel alone anymore ruined my whole life and lead to loose sense of my personality and identity.

To create attractive and smart characters with interesting lifes I started looking for answers on the Internet regarding religion, beliefs, conspiracy theories, music, sexuality, sexual obsessions, psychology, psychiatry and all that I read about it lead me to self-doubt on every single level.
Like I don't know who I am anymore, what I represent and what I want in my life.

I live a life in different ways-I live in my head, in my story that is going to be in the future a movie (I guess), in church I pretend to be a Christian, but inside I am full of doubts regarding to my faith and I am afraid to loose this whole safety place with love of brothers and sisters and I live at home with my dad without mum that I lost 14 years years ago. I am almost 23 years old now.
Girls in my age think about marriage, children and many different other things, but me... all the time about making come true my fantasy about movie that can never come to reality.

I know almost everything about issues of Western world, but whole this knowledge destroyed my life in my small town among people that have no idea what I have in my head.

I am a nursing student and I saw mentally ill patients at the hospital, but there is not so many issues regarding to personality disorders. I feel like my life is the most complicated life on this earth and I will never meet people who could deeply understand me the way I need it.

I guess crerating inner fantasy world for so many years to solve your problems and in the same time escape from them leads to nowhere.

Is there lots of artists and creators of stories that suffer from mental illness, because of their never ending fantasy about making their characters and inner life alive on the screen?
 
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Dear Anna20 ,
Its so hard to hear that you are going the rough times of life.But hey,don't be so bothered about it,as you have a gift of fantasy,dreaming and questioning.I am also surf web for facts related to conspiracy theories, music, sexuality, sexual obsessions, psychology etc etc.May be we are bit above from normal people.We like to dip into the rush and feel the grove.Well a consequence to this is ,it can make you paranoid.That's just way the body reacts.Its a reflex action,nothing more than that.It gives us the ability to look 360 angle before we take a leap.

Also don't worry about your age now.Stuff like time and age never always run according to our likenesses.So you need to adapt.Give care and share courtesy with your dad,the whole time.I am sorry to hear about your mother.But you have to make sure that your mother had left a wonderful part of her in this world,for her to be proud of.

"I know almost everything about issues of Western world, but whole this knowledge destroyed my life in my small town among people that have no idea what I have in my head."

Please don't believe what you see on television and internet.I would avoid watching those kind of stuffs if they really bother you that much.Not always those things are true.Also ,if you realize that these kinds of stuffs making you uncomfortable,then why don't take vacation.There is no gore portions on this forum.You'd always stay here,if you want.ts just the matter of choices we make.The world we live in today is quite different from the one our parents grew up in.Take my word,Stay away from those 'bad influencing subjects' .When i get bored or anxious say i always go to YouTube and find an awesome people or humanity is not dead or what would you say video and play it till i restore my faith in real life.Then you will see how lucky you are to be on earth.

PS: If i don't have an Internet connection ,my first priority is whose line is it or two and half men ,Disks.

Know that you are safe.Nothing is going to happen to you.All these thoughts inside your head is about the well being of other people.And that's so great.But always remember to take a break and have a coffee and a long time walk.

Is there lots of artists and creators of stories that suffer from mental illness, because of their never ending fantasy about making their characters and inner life alive on the screen?

May be , Perfectionism is the vicious problem that is made worse by anxiety and that affecting most of the story writers. It's so frustrating to settle for something less than the absolute perfect vision in your mind.And that always makes a clash of inner emotions.The perfect way to tackle them is to stay away from the story lines we cant handle. But if you don't do things that challenge your illness, you have a much worse chance of getting over them.Its a tricky situation.But you will eventually get it.

I am a nursing student and I saw mentally ill patients at the hospital, but there is not so many issues regarding to personality disorders. I feel like my life is the most complicated life on this earth and I will never meet people who could deeply understand me the way I need it.

Dear Anna20 , I'm guessing that your Anxiety is stronger than your fantasy about characters and western world stories.I can only take it as a problem rather than a gift.I can say , your natural ability of boldness, thoughts,belief and discipline is being overridden by the timid, shy and rebellious nature of anxiety.And i am sure that you don't have any personality disorders,otherwise you won't be making such a sensible thread in here.I talked about a lot of extremely personal subjects, as mental health issues are.I feel that if you're passionate enough about something, you'll get it done instead of generating reasons as to why you can't get it done.Anyways, I hope all that is of at least some help to you.

Cheers
 
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A lot of creative types are sensitive and suffer for it.

If writing a screenplay ruined your life why do you want to write another one?
 
Breathe.
Breathe deeply.
Breathe calmly.
Breathe slowly and try to do it without pauses or tremors.

What I learnt is that it is very hard to control our mind and thoughts.
But we can control our breath.
And the big secret is that when you breathe calmly and deeply the mind becomes more peaceful.
It is like the mind is a lake and your breathe is the wind. And calm winds make the waves in the lake calm down as well.

This will not solve all your problems, but it can break your negative circle of thoughts.
Do yoga. Seriously. Try it :)
 
Dear Filmer!

I want to thank You for your time to read my post. I thought that no one is going to answer, because this is kind of strange post for the forum for screenwriters and directors who mostly share their achivements, advices and talk about new technological tricks in their artistic work.

I was really suprised that You analized my thoughts in a deep sense like a true psychologist or psychiatrist who reallly wants to help the patient.

And yes...words like paranoid and anxiety describe my state of mind perfectly :)

PS Can I ask if you are a man or a woman? I guess you are a man-I've got this feeling, but nickname "filmer" is suitable for woman too.
I'm just interested from what kind of perspective your post is written-is it man or woman point of you?


Dear sfoster!

Maybe it's not the will to write a screenplay destroyed my life, but rather desire to create smart characters, hunger for information-all of that lead me to Internet addiction, to life in fantasy, imagination rather to proactive life.
I'm much more satisfied with living in fantasy and use reality to create movies in head and feel this...thrilled emotions...rather to make any serious decisions in life.
And my mistake of not writing on paper that what is in my head pushed me to nowhere-so many years passed and actually I have never wrote a screenplay.
I hate reading, so even books about screenwriting and directing that I had in my hand were too big for my laziness.

Dear WalterB!

People consider me as the most calm and filled with peace person, but inside of me there is this lack of balance and distress caused by thoughts and my brain is addicted to emotions that creating stories in head and music in the background cause.
I'm kind of afraid of yoga, cause I'm afraid that through practising it something is going to change in my brain and I will go into unknown state of mind.

Thank YOu all for your comments :)
 
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Anna20 said:
Dear sfoster!

And my mistake of not writing on paper that what is in my head pushed me to nowhere-so many years passed and actually I have never wrote a screenplay.
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Ahh yes writing a screen play will be quite a change of pace from that.
Those years could have been put to better use, but they weren't entirely wasted. that's life.

Anna20 said:
I hate reading, so even books about screenwriting and directing that I had in my hand were too big for my laziness.
Click to expand...

There's nothing that says you can't write for the enjoyment of it!!
Great writing comes from reading and rereading and writing and rewriting but you dont need to be "great" to derive satisfaction. Especially if you don't like reading your own stories you can just imagine they're great and you'll never be contradicted ;)
 
Anna20 said:
............

Dear WalterB!

People consider me as the most calm and filled with peace person, but inside of me there is this lack of balance and distress caused by thoughts and my brain is addicted to emotions that creating stories in head and music in the background cause.
I'm kind of afraid of yoga, cause I'm afraid that through practising it something is going to change in my brain and I will go into unknown state of mind.
Click to expand...

What people percieve and what you experience might not be the same.
You don't have to be afraid. Your only risk is that you will have peace inside, just like people think you have.
Yoga often changes people, that is true, but as I see it you don't like the state of your mind now and the unknown state will be calmer. You won't turn into someone else, you might just find the balance you are looking for :)
 
You are very welcome! . Well , i am a Man by all means !. And i am not a psychologist or psychiatrist.I am creative writer and some personal experience too. May be those helped me assessing your situation .We are living in the same world,right.!

I may be written it in a women point of you. Using the direct examples and personal references (mostly, men need a general reference to problems) ,but it can apply to anyone.

I guess its only normal for us all to feel a bit paranoid. Try to stay positive and not think about your fantasy too much.Be in touch with your friends in College.They may seem odd to you,but deeply they are very good.

Also you said you scared about doing yoga.All yogas are not so dangerous (Kundalini Yoga is , if you don't know how to do it) .And that person is suggesting you to practice some breathing exercises.Which is good to calm your thoughts.That is no way going to affect your character or mental state.

You can do it in two different ways.Its so easy and it won't cost you anything.The first way is using the number meditation the other is using the object visualization meditation. I recommend you to do the number meditation.In this meditation process ,firstly you have to find a comfortable place to sit and close your eyes.Make sure that your back is straight and you are not leaning to anything. Start by breathing slowly and lightly. As you are breathing on the exhaled breath visualize the number one in your mind. When you see the number then breathe in. Whilst you are focusing on the number one, breathe out. Like this move on to the next number.

Also try to listen to music that can help you regain the confidence in you.Try to visualize in your mind based on what is being heard in your ears.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i27szXDN4Ec ( Convert this music to mp3 and keep it in your phone.Listen to it often.Its proven to give results )

PS i saw your Reading Literature for you videos.Why don't you start it again ? Give it a go.Make a place for all your fantasies,characters out of your head.
 
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Thank You sfoster and WalterB for Your advices :)

And special thanks for Filmer :) Thank You for Your deep understanding of my situation.

I admit that I forgot about this ReadingLiterature4U-I was talking there in English really slowly and it's hard to understand my thinking. But it's always cool to look back at earlier pieces of work.
I believe that it's extremely difficult to live a life especially as a person with obsessive and compulsive nature, cause to find any peace You have to "embrace uncertainity" in your life caused by different thoughts in brain. It makes making decisions really difficult :/

I am sure that I went through something called "cognitive dissonance", because of doubts related to my Christian beliefes. You know, jumping from spiritual world, where God seemed to be hope after going through trauma during the childhood (losing mother) to liberal world of rational thinking and science lead me to extreme distress in my brain and caused depersonalization disorder.
And this question full of doubt "do I want to come back to the person I was before cognitive dissonance and depersonalization or I want to embrace my alter-ego's wishes that became active after this trauma?
It's just paranoid.

Anyway, wish You ALL lots of success and great inspiration in the process of creating ART :)
 
Anna20 said:
Gonna write it short.

I don't know what to do with myself. Almost for 10 years I live creating characters, situations, scenes in my head and I have no motivation to write it down on paper.
Click to expand...

I did this for many decades longer than you. I am only now doing this and finding my release.

Go for it.
 
Wow. I never thought about that until I just read your post. And when I read your post it was kind of hard to finish for me. Because I do this so much. I dream of fantasies, and unreal people, and then It hurts because I wanna be that interesting. It's a daily struggle for me too. You're not alone, by any means. As I sit here on my computer. I'm taking in the life I live, looking at everything. Separating myself from my fantasies. Some times it feels like I live in my head. Its weird. Finding a second hobby I think helps. Working out, and stargazing take my mind off of creating fantasies, I hope this helps.
 
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