Eko (Web Series)

[Sulaco]

G'day to everyone. I've recently started work on a TV like series thing. Currently, I have no outline for number of episodes or anything like that, just the idea jotted down on paper with the central characters and the basic story. Rather than write out highly developed characters descriptions and detail the arc they will take, I instead decided to take the basic ideas... and just start writing to see how it went.

Before you I present the first 7 pages of Episode 1. I'd like to see people's opinion on the opening, if they understand it etc. This IS something that I'm actually going to be shooting (I'm more of an aspiring director than screenwriter ).

You can download it here:

Eko s1e1

 

[barnaclelapse]

Cool/cool.

 

[seunosewa]

Excellent concept; I can't wait to see what happens next. Try to post a logline to accompany each script.

 

[Will Vincent]

I think this is a good start, but i have a couple questions. First, I find myself wondering what the relationship between Adam and Sophie is. Are they just good friends, does she have a thing for him, or vice-versa, did they used to date, etc..

Secondly, and maybe not terribly important, but where is this supposed to take place that at 10:38pm there wouldn't be a police station open? I live in a small town that doesn't have a police station, but there are county police available at the local fire station nearly all night, unless they had to leave for some reason they are generally there.

I like the idea, and think this has some potential. My concern though is that without having an idea -- even just a basic idea -- of the character arcs, etc this will end up being a lengthy series of shows that are trying to find themselves and figure out where they are heading. Character arc information is also important because that along with back story helps you write believable characters -- characters who will talk, act, and react true to form for who they actually are.

I hope you can view this criticism as intended, to be constructive not destructive. Good luck!

 

[Sulaco]

Thanks Will. All your points have been received as constructive, not destructive

The relationship between Adam and Sophie is meant to be 'open' at the moment (think maybe Cloud/Tifa from FF7, or to a lesser degree Chloe and Clark from S1 of Smallville).

Regarding the cop station bit, I live in China in a city called Xi'an and believe it or not but quite a few (not all) of the cop stations close at night. Either way I decided to change that part a little to Adam not knowing any cop stations nearby and/or not thinking of it. When i post the new version you'll see if it' any good or not

Also regarding character arcs, for the characters of Adam, Sophie and Eko, they are planned out. There are 2 other characters not in the one you've read that I'm still planning, though I'm looking at seeing if I can develop them freely when writing instead of following a path.

Thanks for your comments I've done 16ish pages now, so I'll probably update the thread when I've done 20ish.