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watch Dream Girl - Short Film, 20 Minutes - Looking for constructive criticism!

Hi Everybody, I've posted here a few times now and this website is always a good place to get people's opinions and feedback so I thought I'd give it a go with my latest short film - Dream Girl.

https://youtu.be/Ig6We30f9ZM

It's a 20 minute, zero budget film made in northern England. Please do let me know your thoughts! :D
 
Cool! I liked it! Here are my thoughts. I only watched it once so forgive me if I'm a little off on some facts.

The bad:
- Main problem is the generic story.
- It was too long (this is my most common complaint, from Hollywood and zero budget films). For example, the opening dream sequence was 97 seconds of similar slow motion shots. The title and first second showed that this was a dream, the girl wasn't real, and the next 96 seconds added nothing to my understanding. A 10 second intro would be better--or even leave the girl off screen until later on.
- Dialogue was expository. For example, when Scott and John talk about dreams in the first pub scene, it's clear from the first line ("looking at birdies" or something like that) what each character thinks about dream girls, so the rest of the conversation re-tells what the first few seconds succinctly showed.
- The focus was off on quite a few shots.
- Dialogue audio in the sister's apartment sounded tinny

The good:
- Great locations! Each place (field, pub, apartment, nightclub, dream dance floor, painting field) had its own flavor without seeming too out of place. Excellent, especially, for zero budget.
- The transitions between dreams and reality were nice. I especially liked how each one was slightly different. The transition at 16:40 was nice, since the sound made me expect a dream and instead it cuts to the club.
- The cut to black and white was great. Startling, but not out of place.
- My favorite scenes were Scott painting in the field. There was a serene dreaminess that your dream shots couldn't match. These scenes were nice and short, and were much more powerful that way. The empty, windy horizon with a piece of metal stuck in the earth was a fantastically surreal image. By far the best part of the film.

Summary:
- Story is generic
- Needs more concision and less exposition
- Good locations
- Painting scenes were great
 
Cool! I liked it! Here are my thoughts. I only watched it once so forgive me if I'm a little off on some facts.

The bad:
- Main problem is the generic story.
- It was too long (this is my most common complaint, from Hollywood and zero budget films). For example, the opening dream sequence was 97 seconds of similar slow motion shots. The title and first second showed that this was a dream, the girl wasn't real, and the next 96 seconds added nothing to my understanding. A 10 second intro would be better--or even leave the girl off screen until later on.
- Dialogue was expository. For example, when Scott and John talk about dreams in the first pub scene, it's clear from the first line ("looking at birdies" or something like that) what each character thinks about dream girls, so the rest of the conversation re-tells what the first few seconds succinctly showed.
- The focus was off on quite a few shots.
- Dialogue audio in the sister's apartment sounded tinny

The good:
- Great locations! Each place (field, pub, apartment, nightclub, dream dance floor, painting field) had its own flavor without seeming too out of place. Excellent, especially, for zero budget.
- The transitions between dreams and reality were nice. I especially liked how each one was slightly different. The transition at 16:40 was nice, since the sound made me expect a dream and instead it cuts to the club.
- The cut to black and white was great. Startling, but not out of place.
- My favorite scenes were Scott painting in the field. There was a serene dreaminess that your dream shots couldn't match. These scenes were nice and short, and were much more powerful that way. The empty, windy horizon with a piece of metal stuck in the earth was a fantastically surreal image. By far the best part of the film.

Summary:
- Story is generic
- Needs more concision and less exposition
- Good locations
- Painting scenes were great

Thank you so much for this feedback, I really appreciate when someone goes through the effort of properly writing out their honest thoughts! I agree with more or less all of the points you've raised, so thank you very much for that, it'll be fun to learn from those mistakes for the next project! :)
 
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