Dear Diary

[cjones636]

The U.S. economy totally collapsed. Unemployment is at 63% and rising, the value of the Dollar is worth 0, Mass riots and looting all over the U.S. President ordered Martial law, Military killing Civilians, STATE vs. STATE for their resources, People killing people for food. USA is at war with itself.

But in a little small abandon town in the deep south of Georgia happily lives a family; Ryan, an ex-contractor and father of 3 year old son Noah. There’s also Brandy - Brandy is an ex-bank manager for citi bank and wife to Ryan and mother of Noah.

One morning, brandy reminds Ryan as she hands him his breakfast that he must go hunting for food, because they have only 3 days left of food in the house.
After Ryan gets done hunting and gets back home he sees the front door is wide open and brandy and Noah are nowhere to be found. Ryan franticly looks everywhere through the small town for brandy and Noah, but with no luck he heads back home.

As he headed up the driveway to his home he noticed something on the door that he didn't see before because he was in panic and just didn't notice it, but as closer he got to the door, he saw a spray painted mark; it meant something, but what? He didn’t have a clue, but he knew he had leave his home to find out what was this mark. He frankly look for paper so he could draw this mark, but he couldn’t find anything so he went up to the attic and he went to searching for paper and finally he found a notebook with a pen in the binder.

Ryan flipped it open and seen some blank pages so he runs down stairs with the notebook in hand to the door. Ryan starts to open the notebook, but it slips from his grips hitting the floor landing right side up. Ryan reaches down to pick up the notebook and he sees that’s it’s her hand writing. Ryan picks it up and right away he see that it's brandies diary, he glances through the pages and when Ryan gets to the last few written pages he sees his name so he began reading that page.

In brandy diary she writes about how she met Ryan and how much she loves him and about how he’s the one she wants to spend the rest of his life with and about how she wasn’t going to have time for the diary anymore because her and Ryan are having a baby and would be taking up all her time. Brandies last time writing in the diary was three years ago.

When Ryan reads the last written page of the diary, Ryan stares at the door for a few seconds before he burst into tears. After Ryan gets through crying, he picks up the note book, clicks the pen and writes.

“Dear Diary”

And every day along the way of Ryan’s journey to find brandy and Noah, ryan writes something in brandies diary. This makes him fill closer to brandy and helps keeps his mind eased and him moving forward.


Sorry Before hand for the grammer errors and typos, i didn't have time to go back and proof read it.

What you think about it so far?

i'm off to bed now

 

[FantasySciFi]

So this is a documentary then?

It's a good beginning. My thought, if I were approaching this, is how do I portray the social environment, that is, the breakdown of society in a way that integrates with the story. An approach I might use for the opening sequence to keep it short and informative would be

1. In the suburban home, she tells him they're running low on food.
2. He slips out, picks up his gun, and we see the pickup driving down the road
3. We see the wasteland and abandoned city that has been ravaged. He drives
past it to the woods.
4. Flash back to the house, the woman is running frantically, gathering up Noah.
Others are in the house but we don't see them, only the panic on her face.
5. He drives back and finds a symbol on the broken door.
6. He runs inside to find things toppled. There's some blood in the kitchen. He
gets more frantic.
7. He goes to the bedroom and finds things strewn about. He picks up her diary
from the floor.
8. He grabs some guns still hidden and loads them into his truck from his barn.
He has cold resolve. He sees car/bike tracks on the ground.
9. He sets off as it's getting dark.
10. He sits by a fire along the road and starts reading her diary.
11. It gives short flashbacks of the loss of her job as the US begins to collapse
on itself and her wonderful life with Ryan. Maybe some of her voiceover.
12. He looks at the fire, picks up the pen, and begins to write on the next page
"Dear Diary, today you hear a new voice. ..."
13. Here, I would flash to the next segment of the untold story where you see
the wife and son huddled while rough bikers/militia walk about tents/shacks.
14. I'd cut back to Ryan at the campfire, writing "... A voice some will come to fear
when they pay for what they've taken."

Boom, you set up most of Act One introducing the main characters. I'd probably also expand out (13) to introduce the main bad guy. You don't need to reveal the why so much, just the who. It fills in the audience initially by transitioning from a seemingly normal suburban home to a wasted city. Then later we get the diary flashes (11), it fills in some of the gaps without having to be overly expository. I shifted the focus because if my family were taken, my first thought would not be to stop and read a diary. It would be to track while the trail is warm. I think you also need to take the time to show he's a nice guy until riled. I would also, over the course of your film, show that his wife Brandy isn't a helpless thing but also a strong survivor.

If this were a webisode, you might want to put in a hook.

15. As Ryan writes, he hears a twig snap. He reaches for his gun and a shotgun
barrel pushes against the back of his head. Voice off screen "I wouldn't do
that". A slow head twist. Then "... to be continued"

Overall, I think it has great potential. It's a common post-apocalyptic theme but there's nothing wrong with that. Just give it your own spin.