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Do you think the following logline/Synopsis will entice agents? Do let me know if you are interested in reading the script. (This is an indie script, if you are more used to reading Hollywood style script then you will probably not like it)

regards

harry

Logline:

Cultural isolation lurking just below the surface makes a young Muslim from Denmark an easy target for radicalization in the name of Jihad.

Synopsis

When recent college graduate Anwar, a Muslim born in Denmark, marries Nahgma, an Indian Muslim; her prosperous father is keen to celebrate the union by treating them to a honeymoon in Hawaii. However, Anwar's father has a markedly different idea in mind to launch their marriage: a visit to the family homeland of Pakistan to acquaint the new bride with Pashtun culture. Reluctantly agreeing, Anwar finds himself in the province of Quetta, and in the forbidding company of Hamid, a member of his extended family who has a palpable madness in his eyes.

Regrettably, this meeting will forever alter Anwar's worldview. When he takes up Hamid's offer to visit a site of American attack as proof that the United States is targeting innocents, Anwar lands in the middle of a skirmish between American Special Forces and the jihadist elements. From there, one traumatic event after another calls into question Anwar's accepted Danish mores, his relationship with his new bride, and his comprehension of Denmark's perceived complicity to Pakistani atrocities at the hands of Americans.

From there, rigorous Jihadist brainwashing quickly transforms a benign Western accountant into an avowed Muslim with a new wife, for whom he has a passion that even surprises him. With that love rendered asunder, Anwar now has the fire to enact the unimaginable, right in his once-beloved Denmark.

With each turn, The Homegrown charts the grave and all-too-common trajectory from world citizen to public enemy, casting crucial light on why terrorists succeed with their message of hatred, and why the western world may be losing in the war of propaganda.

Fundamentally, it is the story of the definition, breaking, and re-making of his character. Thus, he moves from being a more or less vague, dissatisfied, vacillating, and anonymous character to an equally anonymous character, albeit re-made and somewhat hardened in the mold of a terrorist. The irony at the heart of the story is that, in the end, Anwar is no more his own man than he was at the outset, but his closely mentored suffering, combined with his exposure to an exotic and seductive religiosity that appeals to his weak and sentimental nature, makes him an ideal weapon in the hands of higher-ups who, like officers of every stripe, nationality, and era remain safely behind the lines.
 
Here are my thoughts. First you write "Cultural isolation lurking just below the surface" and that sounds intriguing, because you seem to have a sense for detail. After this I wonder why you mention Denmark at all. That weakens the impression. Lastly, this has a religious theme and for a western audience that's not good enough, in general. I'd say artists are expected to have a deeper understanding about things than normal people. That's why they are artists, and religious stuff tend to represent cultural traditions that aren't logically waterproof anymore.
 
thanx

thanx, can you explain this "I'd say artists are expected to have a deeper understanding about things than normal people. That's why they are artists, and religious stuff tend to represent cultural traditions that aren't logically waterproof anymore. " I am a bit confused.
 
You have to show balance in your story and do not paint people of the Islamic faith as terrorist. You should also show the good people of the Islamic faith do as well. Case in point the story of the underwear bomber from South Africa who boarded a plane to Detroit in the USA from Yemen. His father contacted the American Embassy to warn the American government about his son. The father said his son got mixed up with the wrong crowd and he feared his son would turn bad a a result.

You may want to make the hero who stops him an American Islamic soldier, Special Forces commando, or FBI Agent.

Shades of gray sells better than black and white.

As for your logline, no one knows your story and characters better than you. Let your logline come from your heart.
 
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Do you think the following logline/Synopsis will entice agents? Do let me know if you are interested in reading the script. (This is an indie script, if you are more used to reading Hollywood style script then you will probably not like it).

Loglines are largely only for spec scripts.
Spec scripts are for selling to studios.
Spec scripts for selling to indie directors/producers is going to be a pretty tough sell.

Logistically (AKA financially), you have major locations in Hawaii, Pakistan, and Denmark, each with likely multiple minor locations.
- Anwar
- Nahgma
- her prosperous father + presumable wife
- Anwar's father + presumable wife
- the wedding party
- Hamid
- a skirmish between American Special Forces and the jihadist elements
- And likely a dozen to two dozen bit parts and extras.

The production expense for this nearly unmarketable indie spec screenplay is going to be rather large.
Like The Devil's Double $19million large.

I can't stop you from pursuing this, just raising a red flag or two.

Best of Luck!
 
Harshude, I mean that you as an artist have a task as well as a responsibility to make sense where sense is needed.

Take for instance this example where you write about "that the United States is targeting innocents".

If you want to do any good you make through your art clear what the politicians and media lack of courage to say. For instance this fact: When Jihad soldiers dress themselves into civilian clothes, they thereby have made every civilian a soldier.

My point is that an artist must be objective and then his art will give the audience something of value and your logline gives me too much doubt to invest my time and read it.
 
A big thanx to everyone and a big thanx to Filman. I can see how that sentence can lead to false impression. Actually the central character is being duped and led into a trap. He is selected as a target for brainwashing since he has European passport. Let me change the synopsis ASAP.
 
An aside. Adapting your own work to screen is sometimes difficult. You might want to contact your publisher (if not self-published) about arranging an adaptation. Often publishers have industry connections which will speed this process for you. And, unfortunately, often the publishers hold the adaptation rights which you sign over to get your book published. It means you need their permission to make your book into a movie. Being a published book is a big plus in your favor. There is no difference between indie vs. industry scripts. The script is the script. The synopsis sounds interesting. However the logline is too cerebral.

"When a European Muslim reluctantly returns to his Pakistani homeland on a honeymoon, he becomes entangled with Jihad extremists and the political turmoil has him questioning his core beliefs."

It's a bit longer than I'd like but it brings it into perspective. First check with your publisher.
Good luck.
 
hi FantasySciFi:

Thanx for your comments. Yes, I own the rights. Let me work on the log line.

Filman/Modern day myth: I am still working around this issue. This is a major problem with the script. Different people interprete it differently for e.g. Filmans interpretation is somwhere the script is blaming Americans where as Modern day myths interpretation is that the script might be blaming Muslims.

In reality the script is quite balanced. I am not sure how to incorporate this balance in the synopsis thought :(
 
Just focus the logline on what HAPPENS in the story. Now your logline explains the weakness of the main character. That's totally wrong. Then you also cannot use religious phrases like IN THE NAME OF JIHAD if you want to get it to look balanced, because those words indicate a fanatic approach.
 
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