Chillin' with Jesus- a short film

Hattori Hanzo · Apr 14, 2012

chillin with Jesus

I didn't really spend a lot of time thinking about what I was writing when I did this. It's kind of just based on the conversations I have with my buddy's every day. Take it for what it is. I know the formatting is pretty bad haha. I appreciate any feedback; even if you think it's a POS at least I'll know haha.

PassionPulp · Apr 14, 2012

Definitely Tarantino-esque.
Overall enjoyed the read.

Just wondering, you know your avatar isn't Hattori Hanzo?

Jack Lynt · Apr 15, 2012

Enjoyed it. It did make me laugh, or at least chuckle throughout. =))

I liked the a goat pee'd on it quite a bit. It gets even better when the reveal/payoff shows it was Jesus Christ's lamb. :lol:

The cat fondling sweater wearing D.A.R.E. lady bit, including the line "She sounds like the devil" is pretty much a hoot too.

Maybe I wouldn't mention it if it didn't come up so much in this script, but you might want to reconsider the spelling 'alright.'

Grammar Girl on "all right" and "alright."

I love Grammar Girl.

You've probably already read it or heard it before and chose to include them anyway, in which case, nevermind. But, we're told that unless it's a shooting script, the convention is to not include direction or shot descriptions. For readers who are just trying to get the gist of your story, those shot directions are annoying and, worse, they get in the way.

Nice script. =)

IndieBudget · Apr 15, 2012

PassionPulp said:
Just wondering, you know your avatar isn't Hattori Hanzo?

Pai Mei he is

Hattori Hanzo · Apr 15, 2012

Thanks for the feedback guys! Very much appreciated. Yeah I know it's Pai Mei, I just think he's a better looking man than HH. Speaking of the two characters: A fight between Pai Mei and H.H. in vol 3. would be amazing.

Flicker Pictures · Apr 15, 2012

Ha hah. Favorite line: Is Pibb ok? Reads like a fun little short.

Did you export your script as a png file? What screenwriting software are you using? Just curious.

Hattori Hanzo · Apr 15, 2012

Flicker Pictures said:
Ha hah. Favorite line: Is Pibb ok? Reads like a fun little short.

Did you export your script as a png file? What screenwriting software are you using? Just curious.

Thanks. I used celtx and exported as a pdf. Then I used imgur to upload because I love that site.

PassionPulp · Apr 15, 2012

Hattori Hanzo said:
Speaking of the two characters: A fight between Pai Mei and H.H. in vol 3. would be amazing.

But... Elle killed Pai Mei...
Maybe as a flashback, I can see it. Since Pai Mei hates the Japanese, it would be pretty funny to hear him berate Hanzo before killing him. I think it would be interesting for Kiddo to go against Hanzo.