I think PhantomScreenwriter nailed all of the positives very well. While I liked the short, it didn't really creep me out. It felt a lot more like a thriller than a psychological horror film... Especially with the fast pace of everything and the less subtle, more physical intensity that occurred throughout. The self dialogue and music kind of, but not completely, broke that feel of creepiness because, being a sufferer of schizoaffective DSM and having encountered troubles with psychosis in my life, it's a much more personal experience and this film didn't deliver any sort of personal feeling.. The suggestion I could make if you're really looking to give off that feeling is to do a bit more research. But hell, the "illness" is so different in each person and I don't even know if you or one on your team has it, you could experience something completely different than I!
With all of that said, I think you made a wonderful video, but it was a different kind of genre than you labeled it. I got a serial killer vibe from this big time but not in the creepy way.. Kind of in the way the show Dexter is. It's not creepy, but there's a vibe of self fulfillment that may go against one's own ethics there. Great video, though. It was awesome and fun to watch... I really think you should go further with this idea and give it a lot more depth.