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Check out my first good(in my opinion) comedic short "Kobe's Beef"

CylentShadow

CylentShadow

This is a final project i did for my directing class at berkeley city college.
I want to start a series of shorts about the weird conversations and happenings that happen at my job. I work part time at fedex lol.
please lemme know what you think.

Also im new here and dont know if i can embed the video here or just put a link
k. bye
http://youtu.be/jXr2LP2R7uI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/jXr2LP2R7uI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
 
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The writing seems to be okay (could do with some work though), but the way you executed made me feel a little bored and cold.

You should look at Kevin Smith, Quentin Tarantino and any French New Wave stuff to get an idea of how best to approach long dialogue scenes.

That camera angle at 2:30 just seemed out of place to me as well.
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXr2LP2R7uI

Although the short is rather dry this DOES sound like too many of the bizarre logic and thought process conversations I used to listen to at work.
Just DUMB stuff.
PAINFULLY dumb stuff.
And it doesn't matter the education level either.
It's amazing.
 
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Wow, that was actually pretty good. But you didn't do it right :cry:

You had great actors, well because they weren't acting. They were acting natural as hell, which is great. You should have picked more interesting shots, but overall the writing is fine. It sounds like it's improvised the way the actors make it sound so natural :cool:
 
Definitely laughed a few times early on, which is good. :)

The editing needed a lot of work. Quite a few jump cuts and even more awkwardly long takes of people talking. A quick-paced conversation like this should have a lot of quick cuts, in my opinion. Reaction shots are important in this style and you had very few. Some handheld shots can help with the fast, conversational feel as well. Check out the sitcom The League for an example of the style of filmmaking you're going for. I also felt the scene went on too long; I got bored around 2:30-3:00 in.

Definitely a cool concept. Are you planning on working a type of backstory into your series, or just random conversations between people? I enjoyed the performance of the guy in the camo shirt, he seems like a natural for this kind of thing.
 
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