Investors and your target audience are generally two separate entities. That would make this "for funding teaser" your prospectus and should then have the necessary wow, pizzaz and moxie to convert views into investments in the final project. I don't mind well done slowly paced films... (this was actually really good pacing for the most part) I loved 2001 and the original Russian Solaris, but I didn't have to invest in them -- the investors expectation being a Return on Investment, which means being presented a product that will entice consumers to spend money on it.
Film is a high-risk investment, to woo an investor, you have to show that your product will be lower risk than the million other indie films out there. While this may give the overall feel of the beginning of the film, it doesn't open my pocketbook.
feedback much appreciated
don't make excuses, you don't have to heed the feedback being given, but when we're asked here, we'll give gut reactions -- and generally if you've given your presentation and you're asked to explain, you need to work on the presentation. Perhaps including a logline or paragraph synopsis of the main thrust would contextualize the clip enough to convey the reasons for the pace and mood without turning off potential investors.
I'd love to see you get this fully funded!
So here's my US$.02 with the purpose of turning this trailer into investment dollars.
Pros:
1) it makes me want to see more
2) it's beautifully lit
3) it conveys the main character's dilemma well
Cons:
1) There are points I'd at which I felt the pacing was slow
- a) 2:10, 2 shots, then :30, 6 shots, then back to a single long shot. The first push was good, but could have cut right as the (yes, too loud) bars hit the screen (for the purposes of this trailer - a feature length would afford the luxury of riding the shot out, but the information has been conveyed, it's time to cut)
- b) I would almost play this in reverse to build the curiosity immediately: first the suicide attempt on the bed pulling back to the walls with the marks, sound of TV over the cut to the push into the tv, bars, cut to end of pull out on bed title shot... cut out all the cuts as he's waking up, none of it is relevant to this short piece as an enticement to buy... That way, you've got interest and a question immediately, then an explanation of sorts that creates more questions which need answering. You've cut out about a minute of the trailer making it easier for investors to agree to sit through.
3) I don't care about the character yet, so his dilemma is mostly irrelevant to me as an audience. As the audience for this piece are investors, it's important for me to care what happens to him. Seeing the intro as it is, I was just upset for him that
.. nothing more.
I hope I've introduced not only the pros and cons, but possible avenues for you to consider as alternatives here. again, take them or leave them, part of the process of test screenings -- which we're more than happy to do for you.
Good luck with your fund raising.
