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watch Argon Alley short thriller/suspense - need your feedback

T

TheKoreandonut

Hello all,

I have been working on a "Lynchian" type film for a couple of months now. It's called Argon Alley and I plan on submitting it to a couple of film festivals later this year. For this reason, I need your honest feedback. I need to know overall how it looks, feels and what I should change before submitting it. This is only one scene from the 16 min film. Thank you!

Warning: This scene has violence, adult themes and profanity.

PS: I know there's some sound issues, and I'm in the middle of correcting them,

Oh, and to make it clear...we filmed this in the rain on purpose and that's what you hear in the background.

TDK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CboYw7rniE8
 
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It'll be hard to fix that audio..

I liked the suspenseful shot at the start but what's with the orange tint and the sudden change? Acting could use some work too.
 
Hey man! Thanks for posting this. I can see that you've got bold aspirations, and that is definitely a good thing!

It is my opinion that you'd be best off by working on shot-composition, and editing for continuity. You've got a whole lot of jump-cuts in this movie, and not the good kind.

An action movie might not be the best to start out with, for these purposes. Action is both really difficult to shoot, and to edit. Then, there's also the factor of needing talent that knows how to perform stunts (which you don't have in this movie).

I think you've sort-of leap-frogged yourself, by taking on material that you're not quite ready for. And, perhaps you were focusing more on the content, than on the delivery of it. Editing needs to be very precise. When it comes to continuity, what you think(/hope) the audience might not notice -- THEY NOTICE.
 
Cracker Funk said:
Hey man! Thanks for posting this. I can see that you've got bold aspirations, and that is definitely a good thing!

It is my opinion that you'd be best off by working on shot-composition, and editing for continuity. You've got a whole lot of jump-cuts in this movie, and not the good kind.

An action movie might not be the best to start out with, for these purposes. Action is both really difficult to shoot, and to edit. Then, there's also the factor of needing talent that knows how to perform stunts (which you don't have in this movie).

I think you've sort-of leap-frogged yourself, by taking on material that you're not quite ready for. And, perhaps you were focusing more on the content, than on the delivery of it. Editing needs to be very precise. When it comes to continuity, what you think(/hope) the audience might not notice -- THEY NOTICE.
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Thank you (everyone), for looking at this! Yes, I agree. I did "leapfrog" a bit. I dunno, I'm a Lynch fan and I feel like I want to make similar movies. You called it on the continuity. We kept walking up and down the same small alley for hours. I think Im mostly worried about the audio on this, help me ROC! Also... this movie probably be in a surrealism category. I think most people don't like these kind of films, so I'm kind of dooming myself...

PS: I will post the full movie shortly (a couple of weeks) and let you guys rip it apart. I want to eventually make films that are impeccable and I will listen to every piece of advice you give me.

TKD
 
that1guyy said:
It'll be hard to fix that audio..

I liked the suspenseful shot at the start but what's with the orange tint and the sudden change? Acting could use some work too.
Click to expand...
Haha, yah you're right. How did this scene make you feel overall? The thing I wanted to express in this movie is the experience of a foreigner (me) in a foreign land (Korea.) This was actual filmed in Korea and I hope that adds to the creepiness.
 
There isn't really that much you can do with the sound at this point, but I think if you boosted the lower frequencies a bit then it would help a lot- all of the rain, talking and echo from the alley are bunched together in the treble frequency and it's quite difficult to distinguish between them.

I would also say don't keep all of that track muted until the dialogue starts- maybe fade it in, or keep the environmental sound from the beginning- it's a bit too much if all of these sounds start so suddenly in the middle of a scene.

TheKoreandonut said:
Haha, yah you're right. How did this scene make you feel overall? The thing I wanted to express in this movie is the experience of a foreigner (me) in a foreign land (Korea.) This was actual filmed in Korea and I hope that adds to the creepiness.
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If it's in Korea then can we see some Korea?
 
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