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3 page screenplay (feedback please)

Is this a half-hour or hour TV comedy? I ask because the formatting is often different in American TV for the two.

In general, the pacing is much too slow. The teaser is usually 3-6 pages and ends with a hook. I didn't really feel the hook at the end of page 3, if that is where you intended to end your teaser. American comedy is often more fast paced, visual and/or action-oriented.

I am not saying the other 20 pages aren't solid since I haven't seen them. However, if you read a 30 minute or 60 minute sitcom script, you will see the very fast-paced action that happens in the first three pages. I think you could boil those three pages down to one and add some visual dynamics to it.

This is an example of how I might re-write your piece:

INT. CHARLIE’S APARTMENT - MORNING

Kevin walks in the front door and sees Charlie's door open. The cover is over Charlie.

KEVIN
(to himself)
Not again!
(to Charlie)
Get up! I'm supposed to take you to your job.

Seeing no movement, Kevin walks into Charlie's room.

INT. CHARLIE’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MORNING

KEVIN
Dude!

He rips off the blanket revealing pillows.

He scowls and turns to face Charlie naked except for a bath towels around his waist and hanging off his shoulder.

KEVIN
Ah-h--h-h-h-h! What the hell!

Charlie smirks. He takes the one from his shoulder and dries his hair.

CHARLIE
Chill bro! You scream like a girl.

Kevin shifts uncomfortably.

KEVIN
I was practicing my vocals. Anyway, you're going to be late for your job. Hurry up.

Kevin exits and pulls the door closed behind him.

INT. CHARLIE’S APARTMENT - MORNING

Jack enters.

JACK
Hey Kevin. Have you seen Charlie?

Kevin gets a wicked smile.

KEVIN
Yeah he's in his room.

Jack nods and enters Charlie's bedroom.

CHARLIE and JACK(O.S.)
A-A-h-h-h-h-h!

Jack comes walking out.

JACK
I did not need to see that!

Charlie comes out in grungy attire--jeans with holes and a ratty t-shirt.

KEVIN
Really? For your first day?

Charlie rolls his eyes and heads back into his room.

He emerges a few seconds later with slacks and a nice dress shirt.

JACK
Whoa. Don't you look like a corporate monkey.

Charlie seethes.

JACK
Oh, I just came by to tell you that I invited Melinda over tonight for pizza and a movie.

CHARLIE
Melinda?

Kevin looks between Charlie and Jack.

JACK
Yeah.

CHARLIE
And she said yes?

JACK
Yeah! So if you two could kinda be scarce ...

Kevin grabs Charlie by the arm and drags him to the door as Jack heads to the kitchen.

KEVIN
We have to be going you don't want to be late your first date ... I mean ... day.

CHARLIE
He's hitting on my girl! Well, not technically, I haven't said anything to her yet, but still ... she's my girl.

Charlie looks back and Kevin quickly pulls the door closed.

Okay, this is about 2 1/2 pages. It introduces the characters, a bit of their personalities, as well as provides conflict that will be resolved in the episode. The pacing is brisk and largely visual with some physical comedy (being pulled about). That's what you need to strive for in a sitcom situation. The above is just a quick example.
 
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