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I thought I understood where you were coming from but this piece is inconsistent in storyline and concept. It also needs to be better formatted. It lost me as a reader. I'm going to provide feedback so you can improve it.

It is terribly difficult to follow the characters when some of the monsters have people names. You use Dracula. Just say "Werewolf" and "Lagoon Creature" etc. I had to keep going back to see who Norman and Walter were.

The first ten pages really didn't capture my interest. Their actions are fairly predictable. Everything felt very forced and the pacing was off. The ending was a disappointment.

It starts and reads like a comedy but then at the bottom of page 21, the characters start killing people. Then it flips back to comedy on page 22. NO! Be consistent to your genre. Don't change it up two thirds of the way through.

Recommendations:
1. Pick a genre and stay true to it throughout. The majority is meant to be funny, so lose the killing. It contributes nothing and only detracts.
2. If you are going to write this as a 30 minute comedy, it would help to follow the 30 minute TV template.
Code: 
Teaser -   2-3 pp.   Set Up (introduce the characters and situation)
Act 1 -    4-5 pp.   Introduce a New Situation and a Complication
Act 2 -    4-5 pp.   Formulate a Plan of Action to Succeed (character 
                            throws self in headlong)
Act 3 -    5-6 pp.   More Complications and Higher Stakes (usually a 
                            major setback)
Act 4 -    5-6 pp.   Final Push to Succeed with it looking unlikely 
                            (suspenseful moment, climax)
TAG -      2-3 pp.   Resolution and the Ever After or Cliffhanger for 
                            next episode
This will help to keep your pacing on track. By page 3, we need to know the characters and their plan. That fight scene in the beginning really adds very little and I found it rather silly (not a good way). The poker scene could be shorter. Tighten up the first six pages to 3-4. Make the discussion focus on how to become more relevant monsters.

Now really come up with a plan that Drac shares with the other guys. Have his wife Brenda come up with her own plan. That makes up your first act. From then on, things need to spiral out of control. In yours, the events seem rather haphazard rather than coordinated.

3. I was disappointed that at the Halloween party, you ended it so abruptly with the Pirate and Nurse. They offered some really good development opportunities. I mean a drunk nurse coming on to a werewolf? A (gay) pirate coming on to Drac? You could have tossed in a few Twilight jokes there. They just walk off.

4. Unfortunately you create a mixed universe where classic monsters can go to a 50's diner without anyone noticing, yet somehow people are supposed to be frightened? It would have been fun to take them to a wax museum and kvetch about the "modern monsters".

5. In your final Tag segment, I would end at the Monster Ball where the couples are dancing. Then when everyone is supposed to take off their mask, the monsters can't. The monsters all roar causing an ensuing pandemonium. The girl monsters coo over the prowess of their partners and the scene closes with them dancing alone perhaps to some disco number.

It has potential but it needs to be re-written. Keep the dialogue more focused and clean. Your descriptions need to be broken out more. You need more "white space". It shows potential but is not yet at a point that is marketable.
 
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Clarification & Example

FantasySciFi said:
Teaser - 2-3 pp. Set Up (introduce the characters and situation)
Act 1 - 4-5 pp. Introduce a New Situation and a Complication

By page 3, we need to know the characters and their plan. That fight scene in the beginning really adds very little and I found it rather silly (not a good way). The poker scene could be shorter. Tighten up the first six pages to 3-4. Make the discussion focus on how to become more relevant monsters.
Click to expand...
I don't want you think that this must be followed as a formula. Writing for television or a children's program is an excellent way to learn to be more concise and strategic in your writing. But after re-reading it, I’m afraid it was more confusing than helpful.

Because you make allusions to the characters' attributes but use human names, it was confusing to me. So in the attached example, I handled it differently. The characters can still refer to each other by their names but at least initially, we meet them as their identities.

The end of page 3 or 4 should have some action. At 6-10 we have the first major turn. You start that with your poker/fight scene (p. 4), but I felt it overwhelmed your storyline. You need to downplay it a bit. It's really a way of showing character dynamics.

Comedy is hard write. I think you have a good instinct for it; I enjoyed what I read. Again, while you don’t want this to come across as “The Munsters” you’ve set up that kind of dynamic. Stay true to it. You’re asking the audience to believe in these characters as flawed but relatable characters. Also, write the characters to have their own “voices”. Over time, their dialogue will also distinguish them. It helps to actually write a description of your characters outside of your script that you can refer to.

By the end of the introductory segment, we should have some sense of who these characters are and what the ‘stated goal’ of the character(s) is(are). That will often change as your story evolves, especially in comedies.

I thought it might be more helpful to illustrate that first segment. I have attempted to keep true to your story. I have re-worked your opening scene so you can see what I mean about incorporating more white space. I’ve also changed the dialogue to be more distinguishing. This is about 6 pages.

At the end, Dracula needs to be inspired for the scene between him and his wife to start to spiral out of control. You need to set up the battle of the sexes. That's the importance of the initial set-up. As it is, the actions seem random. I tried to tie in your ending to the beginning by using a "flyer" that then gets the attention of his wife. Now you have two groups of monsters each wanting leading roles. Something that can be open to misadventure.

This is only an example to help illustrate the points. Obviously change it as needed. I think you have written what could be a fun short. I urge you to continue. Good luck with the re-write.

Code: 
Wind rustles the curtain in an old Victorian parlor room.  In the distance 
Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor plays in the distance.  We pass 
down the decrepit, dusty hall towards a room where there are four 
voices and enter 6


INT. FRANKENSTEIN’S DEN – NIGHT

Four monsters sit and play poker:

DRACULA (50s), salt and pepper hair slicked back wears a black and red 
Victorian-style suit and a black velvet cape with collar.  Eastern European 
accent.

WOLFMAN (aka BOB) (30s) is covered head to toe in brown and gray fur 
with very distinctive wolf-like features.  British accent.

MEPHISTOPHELES (40s) is dressed in a red, Persian style robe; black 
boots and black gloves. All his skin is red. Horns protrude from his 
forehead and curve back over his head. Points along the back of his 
head.  French accent.

MUMMY (aka CLIVE) (50s) is wrapped in aged, white bandages that only 
expose his eyes.  Middle Eastern accent.

DRACULA looks towards the corner of the room.

			DRACULA
	Valter!  Turn that off!

BLACK LAGOON CREATURE (aka WALTER) (40s) is covered head to toe 
with green scales, a fish-like face and gills where the ears should be.  
Thick, bayou accent.

CREATURE stands by the Victorola and stops it.

			CREATURE
	Wha’s wrong? It’z a classic!

			DRACULA
	Ve are classics!

			MUMMY
	Classic jokes, that is.

Creature returns to the table and picks up his cards. 

FRANKENSTEIN (aka NORMAN) (40s) is an extremely tall bulky-built 
man dressed in dark blue tattered trousers; light blue tattered t-shirt, 
and a dark blue tattered coat.  

He enters and sets chips and dip on the table.  He offers the WOLFMAN 
a beer.  And turns to MUMMY

			MUMMY
	No.  I am cutting back.

			FRANKENSTEIN
		(to Dracula)
	I know.  
		(Transylvanian accent)
	I do not drink … beer.

			DRACULA
	Smart ass!

Dracula grabs one.

			WOLFMAN
	At least, you and I are making a
	comeback.  I’d totally shag that 
	Underworld vampire chick!

The others nod.  

			MEPHISTOPHELES
	Taking a ‘lycan’ to her, heh?

All groan and Dracula waves him off.

The Creature lifts his cards.

			CREATURE
	At least they remember you!  Wid all
	these aliens and predators, I’m a
	nobody.  They dust you off, give you a 
	younger look, and off you go.  I raise.

Dracula tosses some poker chips to the center.

			MEPHISTOPHELES
	Hey, Drac, do you “sparkle” in the
	sunlight or just at Twilight?

Dracula hisses and takes a swig of beer.

			MUMMY
	After that “new” movie, my wife was all 
	over me to workout to look like Imhotep.  
	Screw that! … I’m out.

			MEPHISTOPHELES
	I guess that’s the price you pay when 
	you’re old an’ married. In the end,
	ze devil always gets his due. … Fold.  

Frankenstein heaves a giant sigh of disappointment.

			FRANKENSTEIN
	Too rich for me.  I’m out.

Werewolf and Dracula stare at each other searching for a tell.

			DRACULA
	Ve need a vay to be vibrant again.
	I call.

Werewolf smiles devilishly.

			WEREWOLF
	Pair of silver bullets.  Cheers.

Dracula gives a slow, punctuated laugh.  He spreads his hand on the 
table revealing aces, eights and the king of hearts.

Werewolf slams his hands on the table, stands and howls.

			MEPHISTOPHELES
	Talk about an omen! The dead man’s
	hand with the suicide king kicker!

			CREATURE
	Not everything is an omen!  I like you
	better as Tim Curry.  Oh, wait, tha’ waz
	a children’s story.

			MEPHISTOPHELES
	At least I do not smell like the sewer
	backed up!  Fish bait!

Mephistopheles and Creature glare at each other across the table.

The table topples backwards.

Soon the Creature and Mephistopheles roll on the floor wailing on each 
other like two 10-year-old boys in the playground.

Dracula watches for a couple seconds with his head in his hand.  He 
shakes his head in disgust, stands up and sweeps his arms in the air. 

Thunder and lightning roar about them.

			DRACULA
	ENOUGH!!!  No vonder ve are not on top.
	Ve can’t even get along for a simple 
	poker game! 

They stop fighting and look sheepish as they stand.

From another room, MRS. FRANKENSTEIN (aka BRENDA) yells

			MRS. F’STEIN (O.S.)
		(shrill voice)
	Nor-MAN! You better not be messing up
	the parlor again!  I have bridge club
	tomorrow.  

They hurriedly set up the table and chairs.

Mephistopheles waves his hands and the room is returned to its 
former state, covered with cobwebs and dust.

			MRS. F’STEIN (O.S.)
	It’s time for bed!  Say good night and 
	send your friends home.

			FRANKENSTEIN
	Yes dear. Just finishing up now!

			MEPHISTOPHELES
	Are you going to take that?  Man up!

A funny cell phone ring tone chimes.

			MEPHISTOPHELES
		(coughs)
	Pardon.  It’s me.

Mephistopheles searches his robe for the "phone", finds it,
and pulls out a crystal ball. He puts it on the table.

			MEPHISTOPHELES
		(quiet and subdued)
	Hallo snookums.

			MRS. DEVIL (O.S.)
		(filtered; phone)
	Don’t you snookums me.  Where in the 
	hells are you?!  You better not be out 
	with your loser friends again! You 
	better be home in thirty seconds or … 

A click and empty dial tone like a phone hanging up.

Mephistopheles’ shoulders drop as the others stare at him.  He nods, 
flashes a weak smile then disappears in a flash of light.

			MRS. F’STEIN (O.S.)
	Norman-n-n!  Get your big, green
	ass to bed.  NOW!

Frankenstein forms a fist and shakes it towards her voice.

			CREATURE
	I need to go soak the gills anyway. 
	Good night.

			DRACULA
	Ve need to deal vith dis problem!
	Ve need to get our respect back.

Werewolf gives Dracula a consoling pat on the shoulder.  Then he 
and the Creature head off.


EXT. FRANKENSTEIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

The elaborately ornamental door opens and Dracula steps out with 
Frankenstein behind him.

			DRACULA
	I vill figure this out.  Ve will be
	great again.

			MRS. F’STEIN (O.S.)
		(distant whine)
	Nor-MAN!

Frankenstein hurries and presses Dracula’s cape into his face as 
he glances back inside.

			FRANKENSTEIN
	Good night, Drac.
		(yells inside)
	Coming sweetheart.

He ducks inside and the door slams shut before Dracula can speak.  
A beat.

Dracula turns about and pulls the cape from his face.  He heaves a 
giant sigh.  Then adjusts it about his neck.

Dracula walks out towards the gate as the winds pick up.  A flyer wavers 
on the railing.  He takes it, reads it.

Flyer reads “SCREAM-FEST 2012.  This weekend bring your costumes, 
scripts, shorts!  First prize – All-Fright Tour of Hollywood and Starring 
Role in Rayburn von Stompf’s new horror masterpiece--Hell Spawn
From the Wax Museum”

A big toothy grin forms across his face.  He laughs out loud with his 
staccato laugh.

			DRACULA
	This is it!  Ve vill reign … once 
	… again! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Lightning rips across the sky and thunder roars.

He folds up the paper and slips it into his vest pocket and taps it.

He flips the cape about him, transforms into a bat and flies off.
 
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Ty scifi for the imput. I get what you mean now. This project was suppost to be a Horror-Comady and feature length. I realize I need to expand it but did not know what sceans to expand of what sceans to add. I want this to be roughly 90 min to 120 min script. But you did get the general idea of the first scean and if you do not mind I would like to use some of it. I know the ending sucked hard core I just could not figure out an ending that did not sound lame. I like your general concept for the ending and will incorperate that. The dinner scean is suppost to be a little hole in the wall where all the "monsters" goto eat. It is just for monsters and only for monsters. I really wanted it in there because the invisable couple. They did not play out the way I wanted. I wanted them to be the "councilers" to the two groups. They were suppost to have a plan on there own to reunit the "warring" sexes. Any suggestions how to incompase that would also be appreciated. But ty again for the feed back any more will be apperceated.
 
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Looks like you might have some stiff competition. :P
http://tv.yahoo.com/blogs/the-set/nbc-orders-munsters-reboot-pilot-165508698.html

I think this was mentioned once before but it's worth bearing in mind. While Dracula, Frankenstein, and generic 'creatures of the night' (mummies, devils, vampires and werewolves) are outside of copyright and potential trademark issues, I'm unsure about the Creature from the Black Lagoon. And with the re-make of the Munsters, NBC's lawyers will probably be on the lookout for potential conflicts. Yes, you're characters are differently named and act differently, which is to your benefit.

I don't wish to debate about whether screenwriters should or shouldn't concern themselves with writing with copyright in mind. For my part, I think screenwriters wishing to sell their work need to be attentive to potential conflicts while writing what is needed for their story. It's a trade-off. If you are shooting your own script, you will need to negotiate those rights, but it's your vision done your way. When writing on spec, it is sometimes better to err on the side of writing it less dependent on securing rights.

When you create this world, the audience is going to wonder how they survive day-to-day. The Munsters have this quasi-reality of fitting in (world of work & daily activities) albeit bizarrely. While you don't need to go into elaborate explanation, that needs to be shown so that the monsters can gather at a local dive, even if its only for monsters. How did they get there? Do they drive? How do they get drivers licenses? What do they drive? How do they get money to go to restaurants, buy cars, etc.?

I'm not suggesting you remove the diner scene, but you need to make it semi-plausible. Perhaps place it in an out of the way swamp. Have a brief flash of the outside with Norman and his wife getting off a horse-drawn buggy or something and cross a mist covered bridge to an old scraggly shack with a skull and sign that say "Kepe OUT!". Now flash to your inside dining room.

While I appreciate wanting to use the invisible couple, my gut instinct is that you already have enough characters. Less is better. You presently have 10 actors. Adding two more to your story doesn't add much value. Most shows have 6 central actors (2-3 main, 3-4 supporting) and a few auxilliary as needed. A comedy is usually spiraling, so you simply need to focus on your two main characters--Dracula and his wife. Each receives good (and bad) advice from the others.

If I'm writing for a webisode or TV, I know how many pages everything has to be. When I write a feature, I allow myself to be more creative. Since you want a feature, I would focus more on developing the story than worrying about its length. Once you're finished, then you can judge what needs to be adjusted. When a script is properly formatted (using CeltX, say), one page is roughly one minute of screen time.

When I share comments or examples, you're welcome to incorporate them in your work. At this point, I'd focus on the initial conflict. I sometimes "transplant" comedy casts in to see their reactions. How would the crew from "Gilligan Island" react? Or "Friends"? Or "Seinfeld"? Or "I Love Lucy"? etc. If you follow up on the ScreamFest idea, what might this Von Stumpf be like? How might he treat others, especially individuals he thinks are dressed up like monsters? It's okay if things get crazy because in the end, whether it comes together or falls apart, the real dynamic--the monsters and their wives appreciating each other and themselves--is what it's all about. That's what you really need to resolve. That's how I would approach this movie. Great movies are about the human dynamics (of course, special effects don't hurt).
 
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