Overall, pretty good for a first project.
The editing/storyline had me confused: I couldn't figure out whether the series of voice messages were being recorded by the Kyle in the car, or being listened to by him (he was the one with the phone) ...
And then Kyle admitted
killing Michael's sister (in a road accident) but the last we saw of him in the earlier clip was him staggering up to a front door obviously in no fit state to drive - and there was no car (and no girl) anywhere in sight. The only character with a car is Micheal ... ?
And the only house we see is Kyles ... ?
I think this is mostly an editing/continuity problem, shifting back and forth in time while also referring to an event that's not shown, and exaggerated by the poor visibility inherent in low-light/night-time shots. The production improves significantly once it moves to a linear narrative and better lit interior shots. If you cut everything from 0:28-1:34 (i.e. cut from when Kyle stops & gets into the car straight to the titles) and remove the voice-messages, that'd concentrate our attention on the relationship between Kyle and Michael, and have us wondering "what happened?" It would probably have been better too for Kyle not to say
"I killed your sister" so early in the exchange, but perhaps have Michael say it when he turns up at Kyle's house - again, keeping us in suspense as long as possible.
One last thing: I found the music towards the end rather overwhelming: to my ear, it blitzed the sense of despair being portrayed by the two lads in the final scene. That might be just a question of personal taste - I've noticed that almost every US-made TV series episode these days ends in the same fashion (at least the one that I watch!)
Having said all of that, well done for taking a script from words on a page to pictures on a screen. No small feat, and I hope it's the start of a long and productive learning curve!
