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5-page rewrite - Updated slightly Following the suggestions (thanks, Finders and Greenfield) I went back over this. I still think it's a bit wordy, but I'm working on that... I added a flash-forward at the beginning that I hope would work as a hook for viewers...

Howdy, This is my first post and I hope I'm not breaking any rules by just posting loglines. I glanced over the rules thread and didn't see anything suggesting I shouldn't... I'm finding it difficult to succinctly explain my screenplay ideas without rambling for ten minutes while actually...