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  1. MarkTheSecond

    Hello - Scene

    Thank you, I thought so too.
  2. MarkTheSecond

    Hello - Scene

    This is a scene that I wrote about two or three months ago. The one I would say about it is that the pacing is too fast. I probably should've slowed it down a bit. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ooFfLhHMMTzrQ_4g7aHT_UMVsy9aL9QV/view?usp=sharing
  3. MarkTheSecond

    Review this scene?

    Oh, I mean it would be pretty expensive to shoot.
  4. MarkTheSecond

    Review this scene?

    Reading it to buy? Oh you probably meant buying it to read
  5. MarkTheSecond

    Review this scene?

    I would let you read the whole script....if there was a whole script. This is based on a short story I wrote when I like 16 maybe? So..like 4 or 5 years ago? You could read that if you wanted the whole story, but I wasn't that good back then. And thanks to everyone who replied. I've been busy...
  6. MarkTheSecond

    Review this scene?

    I kinda did the second option when Mary comes in and Alec says they’re not open yet.
  7. MarkTheSecond

    Review this scene?

    I saw the "show, don't tell", but I wasn't sure how to change. I'll do it over. I guess I could still say he's wiping the counter, but show that it's in the morning, that way the reader will know he's opening the saloon. You're right, that's an anomaly. I could change the setting, but I don't...
  8. MarkTheSecond

    Review this scene?

    This is a short scene (about two pages) that I re-wrote from an older script. Let me know what you think. All feedback is welcome. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bBoI25xmuHJAhkS2N5faapK3Jxu-YKgi/view?usp=sharing
  9. MarkTheSecond

    Would you look over my short story

    That was pretty good. I find it strange that he left just because they had his resume on file. So I thought of this.Ok, so like after the wreck he’s stressed because he's late and he just got into a fender-bender with this massive dude. He reaches in his into car and, unknowningly, gives him...
  10. MarkTheSecond

    Sophia - Scene

    This is a scene,I guess, that I wrote the other day. I honestly don't think it's that great. It's definitely not the best thing I've written. This is like maybe my third time doing it? I only finished the second one. The pacing, I feel, is too fast. This is really just something I thought would...
  11. MarkTheSecond

    TRASH - Short Script

    Hm. Good points. I think I might write those down.
  12. MarkTheSecond

    TRASH - Short Script

    Yeah, it was supposed to be like they were whispering to each it other away from the monster, but I didn't make that clear obviously. Haha, I'm so happy you picked up on that line. That's exactly what I had in mind when I wrote it. I think I'm a good writer, but for all I know that could all...
  13. MarkTheSecond

    TRASH - Short Script

    Wow, I went back through and yeah there are a lot of typos. No one said anything negative, so I'm kinda worried. Is that everything? No more comments on the story or anything I could improve on? Just want to make sure I have my bases covered. I also felt the pace was fast, but it's a short so...
  14. MarkTheSecond

    TRASH - Short Script

    Thanks! I thought I'd found all the grammar mistakes, but there's always more I guess. Is there anything else?
  15. MarkTheSecond

    TRASH - Short Script

    Alright, here's a re-write. I hope it's better. https://drive.google.com/file/d/0ByJPoBCImdApODlqLUlqbWZWLVU/view?usp=sharing
  16. MarkTheSecond

    TRASH - Short Script

    I have most of the "Why's" figured out. I just need to re-write this.
  17. MarkTheSecond

    TRASH - Short Script

    It's a man, but mutated a bit?
  18. MarkTheSecond

    TRASH - Short Script

    Yeah general thriller or suspense. Get Out wasn't a good example.
  19. MarkTheSecond

    TRASH - Short Script

    Ok maybe Get Out was a bad example because I'm not commentary with this. I can't really think of any movies that give off the feeling I'm going for.
  20. MarkTheSecond

    TRASH - Short Script

    OK, sorry I realize I sound like a bit of a dick now. Only wanting feedback for myself and not giving others feedback. My bad. Yeah, I don't know it just hit me that those "thinking" lines don't make sense. And yeah I didn't like that bit of dialogue either. My dialogue is usually better. Pretty...
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