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For the record that is a LOGLINE, not a TAGLINE And it not a good one. Keep working on it. a

Watch 'Bones'. I believe one of the interns learned forensics so he could commit the perfect murder ?? a

I think you are being over-ambitious for your first script. Make it 2-4 characters in a 5 to 6 pager. Keep is simple and linear. You can write a sports script without the 100-people spectators. For example, it is not unusual for a few players to get together for practice, say for a scrimage...

Might want to read up on that. As a blanket statment, you've missed the mark by no small measure. George Carlin's take on rape ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwMukKqx-Os&nohtml5=False Not saying I agree or disagree, just for the sake of persepctive. a

Yeah, sorry, but there IS NO COMEDY in rape. Not ever.

Things are getting progressively worse. DO NOT OPEN THAT FILE!! As of now all of my writing files are unusable. This puts me out of work until this is fixed. Internet is hit and miss. Joey, you need to find another way to share this script. Arg.

My computer locked up for maybe 10 minutes, and it took me some time after that to get the anti-virus working and to close.

Anyone else having problems after opening this doc?

There are numerous technical issues here, but more important is that there really isn't a complete story. All that running for hours, and then nothing happens? So Justin finally goes to a gym to learn self deffense? That's it? Very unsatisfying ending. If you cut to Justin finally beating down...

Lol, yes and I knew that. For unknown reasons I foucused on TEENS. Maybe cuz all were intro'ed with ages and just, you know,, messed with my English chi. Or maybe because Justin's seeing an older woman? At least Joey got some good tips from it. As a side note I routinely leave the S off for...

Grammar and overall English command still lacking. Lesson 1 A swarm of teens huddles together in a circle. TEENS is plural, so the following verb HUDDLES needs to lose the S. This should read ... A swarm of teens huddle together in a circle. Simple rule is - in MOST cases, if you have an S...

Start with short scripts. Maybe five pages. Simple, just a few characters. Scribble it out on Microsoft word just to see how it looks and reads. You can build from there. Write a few shorts just to learn your own working habits, and how you move what's in your head to paper. You need to learn...

One thing I forgot to mention. Actually I did it for you, just forgot to say why (it was late). You had this ... INT. LAPD INTEROGATION ROOM - DAY A RATTLED MATTEO MORETTI EARLY THIRTIES sits in a all white interrogation room. He gazes upon the one way mirror in a state of paranoia, as he...

I will comment as I read. This ... INT. LAPD INTERROGATION ROOM -DAY A RATTLED MATTEO MORETTI EARLY THIRTIES sits in a all white interrogation room. He gazes upon the one way mirror in a state of paranoia, as he bites his lip and taps his finger tips on the steel table. Rough start with...

Found it in another writer's forum. Begins with a D. Quality, what are your intentions with this? Film it yourself? Market it? alex

I'll grab some time over the weekend to read it all and comment on story.

Hi Dre, Right off the bat I see this ... EXT. BASKETBALL COURT - DAY RASHID (18) dribbles around the basketball court. Showing off his fancy moves to the TEENAGE GIRLS spectating. They giggle and laugh as he drives to the basket. He points at them. RASHID (O.S.) What's up ladies? You like...

Introducing your characters in CAPS is standard formatting. You should also slug your opening establishing shot as EXT. (INSERT LOCATION) - DAY Seems I have read this before and commented on the EXCESSIVE (and pointless) dialogue. Also, things like this ... INT. KITCHEN - DAY His girlfriend...

I made it clear they were not going to be on film. I only wanted to chat with them, and ask them about some story ideas - as in ''What do you think of this character', 'What would you do in this situation' ... and so on, and the questions had nothing to do with their addiction. I wanted their...

This was a few years ago. I don't know Maria. Saw her FB profile - I think. I'll PM you the name. Grabs from the film ... Anyways, this project was really enjoyable to work on. Let your classmates know - Maria included - that I am avail to help out with your scripts. alex