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holy cow I started making notes on it, until all hell broke loose. I think you've put two different stories together. The love story, and the stasis story. I think you should just stick to the love story. They start at the garage, then he helps the old lady with the groceries, but while he's...

Anyway, let's not argue. well, that is amazing. I can't really remember what I was doing when I was 17. Trying to figure out how to drop out of school, and live it up on a fake ID, from memory. I definitely can't remember wanting to spend time stringing words together. That would have been on...

And steve, I'm not coming back to this thread. I think you're arguing for argument's sake, which is boring, and maybe even harassment. You can't claim to know how my grammar improved, only I know that.

Well, "instinctively", and "naturally along with a lot of writing" are not the same. I.... picked it up. Not learned, not garnered instinctively ..... I .......picked it up. The same way a non English speaker picks up a lot of the language without learning, and without instinct, just by...

I think this person possibly has the potential to write well, but you can't say this was great. Two tough guys talk tough for a bit, then kill each other. Apart from being gratuitous violence, which is what I was sort of trying to get at, it didn't seem particularly original. I had to keep...

And where exactly did I say it was instinctive?

I don't think you need to see "short film" as a story. You can if you want, but it's not a lot of time to develop a story as such. It's more an "event". Or a "situation". Maybe just think of something happening to someone. Then give it a bit of a back-story. And an ending. I also think it's a...

But I never gave it a minute's thought. And you can't claim that I did. Because you weren't there. It was never something I gave time to. It wasn't something I was hammered over the head with. Or even particularly made aware of. Certainly not ganged up on about. hmm, ganged up on about...

I started reading it, then realized it was going to involve graphic violence and murder, probably of the intense kind, and I stopped reading. I think you can probably write, but I can't really stomach murderous violence all that well. So, I skipped to the end. And had to figure out who had...

And thankyou for adding support to the fact that you don't have to learn grammar to be a screenwriter. That makes two, TWO sold writers. AND for proving that people who make grammatical errors can still sell scripts! and, lemme see, oh, AND.... my early pages look quite different to the pages...

oh well, maybe not everyone will get better at grammar through years of writing, but "I" did. I also gained a vast arsenal of verbs, and my vocabulary generally increased, as did my overall grasp of the English language. It's not farfetched that this would be the case for others as well. I'm...

...... and that language and its usage *are* learned. Obviously the grammar lessons didn't really pay off for you there, steve.

okay, but I wouldn't call it Robo Arms though, unless it's a parody on Robo Cop.

I think your writing is really good. Very realistic, and well paced. I was surprised by the weirdness of the story though. They make mechanical arms for him? Just like that? Wouldn't that involve months, if not years of surgery and rehabilitation?

jeez .....louise... Now you're making it sound like I "worked at it", which I didn't. I don't think anyone should go out and try to "learn" grammar for grammar's sake. That suggestion could discourage writers who didn't finish high school from writing scripts, by making them think they're...

I personally give a montage a heading of it's own, i.e. MONTAGE SEQUENCE Then just write it however most closely describes the way you see it.

You're twisting it to sound like something that it's not, creative writing isn't repetitive writing. And I would sometimes ask why the red circle was there. And once you've corrected an error often enough, you tend to be aware of it. And, steve, you can't change the fact that that's how I learned.

I like it. With it being the opening scene, I'd give it a tiiiiny bit more elaboration. Play on it a little bit more, maybe her hands are checking for bruises all the way down the arm towards the hand, just to bring us in to it, and a cutaway to her hand reaching for the bolt cutters, this...

I think I handed over rights when I gave it to the animator. But good point about compensation. It really cuts to the bone when you feel you've been screwed, and it's very common. I never worried about giving away shorts, they're a learning experience for everyone, and rarely return a profit...

That's right, no copying. Or brainless conformity. But I've got another story for you. I wrote a short for an animator, quite a long time ago now, but it ended up getting an international launch on Discovery. Which I didn't know about. Everything takes so long, you can easily lose track of...