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As long as you are aware that sentances like that are unclear. It may seem clear but if perfection is what you strive for then keep your tenses in line. Here you go from past to present to past and your verbs are wrong too. Dont read over these in the re-write.

its all flat. all of he dialogue combined reads like two "dudes" talking to each other. Your characters are empty, they just say the most obvious things like give your characters some character and personality and learn how to write dialogue. The best way to learn to how to write dialogue...

Have you ever read a proffesional screenplay where people talk the way they do in yours?

I stopped watching after a little while because I had already seen enough. Looks like a great attempt at something original. Camera tricks fit well together. The credits seemed a little long. Grabbed my attention, good job.

I would like to see the camera moving with the action and longer cuts. And the actor looks like Bud Bundy.

Original music. Do you know any musicians? There a lot of musicians who love to have their music in a movie for free.

New to the forum. Do any writers workshop with other writers over this forum?

I am sure everyone is familiar with the text Screenplay by Syd Field. The first book anyone should read on writing a screenplay. Add a little Robert Mckee and some Joseph Campbell and Speilberg should be calling you in no time.

this person is right. You shouldnt have to ask someone to read the whole screenplay. If they put it down after a couple of pages it is because it is boring, and no matter what you do a boring screenplay is a bad screenplay. If the reader cant get through the first few pages then start from...