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Thank you RyiGarry, much appreciated. (Random tangent incoming) It's just that I feel that there is something just wrong with the story that I can't figure out. Something about my script just doesn't seem right. It's like one moment I'm happy with it, but the next I'm completely and totally...

Hey so I reworked it a little bit for the ending sequence so that you can really see Jamie's progression and self-inner conflict. Do you think the script feels cohesive and packs an emotional punch? Let me know your thoughts/criticisms! Script: http://tinyurl.com/n8b9nkc

I love those ideas guys, thanks so much! ?

Haha alright, I'll try adding in some better dialogue in that sequence. But as a whole, was the script at least somewhat enjoyable?

Yep, I'm the head layout editor guy on our high school yearbook so you'll see some yearbook stuff in there by the way! Here's my small portfolio that I just threw together: http://bit.ly/1shs6Fs

I absolutely see where you're coming from there. The reason for these tonal shifts and abrupt mood swings is really because he is mentally unstable and has various mental disorders that cause him to act the way he does. Did I not make it clear enough of these "challenges " and if so, does...

I will definitely look into that, much thanks :)

I have some good experience with page layout and graphic design so if anybody needs some graphic work or a movie poster done, give me a holler through a private message or e-mail me at: jon.banach@me.com And hey, I work for free.

Hello everyone, here is a short 8 page screenplay called Intrusion which I plan to direct rather soon, hence the scene numbers and it being the Shooting Draft. Anyways, I'm always curious and open to see what anybody has to say that could improve this script. Thanks a bunch! ? Script...

Well what then would you say be a good amount of time (generally speaking) to take in between takes to keep it from reaching the point of overheating?

Hey y'all. I was wondering to any of the DSLR users out there if they have any suggestions on how to keep their camera cool enough to prevent overheating when shooting a short film? That's a pretty vague question, I know, but I thought I should ask if any of you guys any tips or tricks to keep...

I'm not the greatest writer, but I'd still love to give it a read! Just e-mail it to me at: jon.banach@me.com

Hitting on a previous point about the ending: Overall though, I would have to say I'm kinda interested in seeing just how much "it" affects him in the third film. Maybe it will give us some thorough character development this time around? :lol:

What's y'all your favorite film composer? Along with your favorite score from them?

Hey! Welcome! :)

First off, thank you so much for putting the time and effort to the reply. I greatly appreciate it :) Anyways, back to the subject matter; I had in fact wrote the ending all at once in a single sitting, meaning I didn't really put much thought into how it would end. I guess you could say I...

Gotcha on the too much action part. I'll try cutting it up there. And the point of the story? To be honest, there isn't really a cohesive story going on, I'll admit. It's about this adolescent, anxious boy who hears these sounds in his house, and then eventually has to confront it, in...

Haha, nice, I like it! :)

Hi everyone, this is a fairly quick, 4 and a half page drama script called "Intrusion". This is a rough draft, meaning no corrections made at all, right out of Adobe Story. I was wondering how I could change it up to make it more intense, increase the pace, as well as decrease the repetitiveness...

Yep! That worked! Thanks for the help!