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:thumbsup: I think it still could work.

I say, make Dale a longtime drifter. It's been years since he contacted home. He's in a shelter or somewhere and sees a BB with a missing flyer of his sister. He calls home, is informed she's been missing for 9 months or something like that. Maybe she ran away and went looking for him. That the...

Now to crack the egg on how Dale is led to that town...A cell call from her hit on a cell tower in that area? She last was travelling from one town to the other and Harper is the only town between the two and she never arrived at the other? A suitcase with her clothes in it showed up in a...

Oh hell. Now I'm hoping he makes it like First Blood with a John Rambo like character and a corrupt police force. Maybe less on the "blow up the town" approach...then again, maybe not.

:thumbsup: Nice job. Pretty funny. Good pacing.

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Sure. It may take a week or two due to the fact that my time control mechanism is broken so I can't pause life. Working on it though.

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To echo above. There is reference to the obstacle (mother) but what's the "call to action". Based on the trailer the film is about...? A guy who has to take care of his family because his mother is too sick to do so. Is that right?

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Keep at it. I would recommend making sure you use scene headings for actual scenes and use SHOTS or camera direction as actual camera direction. The EXT/INT are scene locations, not camera SHOTS or CU's, etc. If you are directing this yourself, so long as you understand what you mean, you're...

I read through it since it's only 24 pages and it's even shorter than that. You have scene headings that are written as "shots" like EXT. WAR HORSES To be honest, it was brutal reading through it as I couldn't get a vision of what your narrative is intended to be. Goes from a scene that is...

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I read the entire pilot. It's interesting for the setting and the immediate introduction of the supernatural witch/warlock mythos into American Latino immigrant communities. There's a lot attempted with the various characters. Drug Addict Priest who's romantically involved with the Black LEO...

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My only other suggestion? A strong female character. My suggestion? A madam from a larger KS town shows up because a couple of foreign girls show up wanting to work for her but she turns them down because they're under age, barely speak English, etc. and other than obscene english words, the...

Hell it's even right in front of Westview Lodge and Apartments. You tell me there's a Pollos Hermanos there and I'll make the call to the feds right now.

I see that Finishing Touch Hair & Tanning is kitty corner from the airfield. Do they also offer 'massages'? Where they add that extra personal "finishing touch" to every customer? Careful, you might be actually stumbling into an illicit enterprise in Harper.