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Hey, I've rewritten the script The new premise is: A divorced mortuary driver framed and arrested for delivering drugs in a coffin, finds out his son is mortally ill. He confronts a choice, whether to earn freedom by letting his ex-wife, who framed him, get arrested, or go on a drug deal to...

So you fell on an extremely stupid manager, who probably believes in all the "People who think out of the box" shit and makes up stupid tests. I can give you a more stupid example. I'm developing an app, a game. I went to an investor, and instead of asking me what was my project about, you...

Editor, I don't know, I actually liked "The Island", but that's not the point... I understand what you mean, and I know people who think exactly like you do. There are 2 types of motivations: 1) - Tell one what to improve and encourage him to do that 2) - Tell one he's stupid, and make him try...

Thanks. I'll upload it when it's ready.

I'll try to write another draft, but not cancel the current version. I'll replace Barukh with Shahar's ex-wife, a criminal. I'll remove the bomb. I keep idea with selling drugs to save Avi, the boy who Shahar thought to be his wife's son from another man, but turns out to be Ilana's son, who...

I understand, but isn't it strange to leave the keys on the table, so close to Ilana? And why put the keys somewhere Ilana can see them? Do you think this script can fit into 10-11 minutes short? My filming school say "10-11 pages script". I need a good argument to convince them, that my 15...

By what criteria do you define talented or not? That is the question. Writing is not math, where 2+2=4, not 3 and not 5. There is no "right" answer in this. P.S. Michael Bay maybe makes bad movies, but his movies make money. So it's okay for the industry

She's cuffed with her hands behind her back. So her hands must be very close to her back pocket. She is seated, so her hands are even closer. So she pulls it out, unbends it into a pin, and tries to open the lock with it. I have a friend who works as a cop, and he told me once they were trained...

Thank you for the review :) I don't know how to say around what her hands are cuffed, in any language :) What I meant is one of the 4 pieces of wood (legs?) which the cupboard stands on. About Barukh, yeah, a good point, although the brothers haven't met for 9 years. What do you mean by rough...

Well, nobody lives forever. If the industry won't have knew writers, it will die out along with the already established writers. Now about talent. Normally, one wouldn't struggle to write and sell (or film) his screenplay, unless he really wants to... no, no just wants to - obsessed with it...

I need to shorten the story to 10 pages. Any suggestions of how it can be done with the current script (if possible)? What do you think is necessary in the story, and what can be thrown out? Critique please

Hey everybody :) I've rewritten the script. I wrote a different story, developed the characters. I only kept the idea of the coffin filled with heroin, a gun and the note which says "Kill the Courier". Here is the premise: Delivering a coffin, a mortuary driver with a criminal past, finds out...

You welcome :)

I like the idea having him forgot the papers. But I prefer to explain it without doing the flashback, if possible. I intend to film this, so I don't want to add an extra location (Morgue) and an actor (Shimon). If I make Shahar a mortuary driver, I can make him older. There is no reason for a...

Thank you for the notes. Alon had always worked for the police, and only for them, until he stopped the van. Only then he was contacted by Barukh and offered a large sum of money. I should have mentioned it in the script. Shahar's van is civilian, not military, which I forgot to mention as...

This is a revised script of a previous version. I need critique, mostly regarding characters, dialogue, and suggestions regarding the story. It's about a soldier delivering a coffin with a fallen army officer, who finds out that instead of a dead body, the coffin contains a suitcase with...

Try to do it another way. As FantasySciFi already wrote, you can have him observe something in the basement, that might link him to his past. Think of items that could serve that purpose.

I think there needs to be more background for Ira himself. We know he dreams to be a dancer, but we know almost nothing of his past. His past could serve a good setup for the twist.

You've switched the script with Dropbox Getting Started document :) Here's the feedback on what you've sent me in private: Ira is a murderer? Why? What are his motives? And if he is, did he murder his parents? Walter is his Dad, right? And why did he murder Justine? What did she do to him? Or...

Sure, send me the link, I'll read it