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I dunno, but for a while now I've been seeing blank posts or posts referring to a video that I can't see. It's like the YT tag doesn't work for me/in my browser. Very odd. And I'll never forgive you for it... I think I prefer the incidental, surreal bits better than the main...er... thrust...

Is there a reason why I suddenly can't see embedded videos on this forum? Or is IndieTalk just protecting me from Mike's humour? ;) (I should add, I laughed a few times :))

The rumours have been circulating for a while, to be fair...

I remember this screenplay! I quite liked it, if IIRC. Good luck with it!

Have you been watching the latest series of 'Community' or something? :)

I think he/she actually meant embroiled here. I read the whole thing, and it was pretty boring. You seem to have missed the point of a cold open - it's supposed to throw the viewer/reader into the heat of the story so that they stick around beyond the title sequence. Cold opens are not meant...

To be honest, if there's one literary form where punctuation is pretty much irrelevant, it's poetry (and I'm a proofreader...) There are many poems where punctuation is used sparingly, and even then only in service of the effect the words have rather than any conventional 'rules'. Glad it was...

I would argue that the current "Golden Age" in television has led to movie audiences who are now much more accepting of dialogue-heavy drama - even in 'action' films. Ultimately though, there are producers and moneymen who will try to hack up a script to make it more commercial - the writer's...

Which is ironic, as real life sex rarely goes over time. Especially on your first. :D (Sorry...)

This actually happened on Game of Thrones... well, almost - a 19-year-old actress's parents were invited on set, and happened to come along on the exact day their daughter was involved in a particularly nasty rape scene.

This place normally gets a lot more replies in screenplay critique requests - I guess you just chose a bad day :) Hopefully the bump will be helpful. Not sure about other places to post, and hopefully someone will offer suggestions regarding that too :)

That's fine to say "he's not a typical man", as long as you're consistent with that characterisation throughput the rest of the script, rather than just when it's convenient. Again, without knowing what you've actually written, it's impossible to say.

To be fair to the author, it seems h44 has ignored most of what he has to say.

Tyler's reaction to his rape is another thing that doesn't ring true at all. Being raped by a woman is likely to be one of the most humiliating things that can happen to a man - especially one who identifies as a strong, heroic type. Now a man's reaction to being raped by a woman is not...

H44, you have to remember: NONE OF US HAVE READ YOUR SCRIPT. We can only go on the descriptions you have posted up here. So none of us have any idea if your script encourages sympathy or antipathy or apathy to your villains. Based on what you have posted, we can get an idea, but we're only...

As FSF says, your premise is flawed, and because of that everything else collapses by association. You would be wise to start again from scratch. That said, I think there are two redeemable ideas in your story: 1) The idea of socially excluded people ganging together to cause havoc - not...

I'm not sure I follow the metaphor of a porcupine mind, but as long as she does, that's not a problem. Also, disappointed you didn't use the word 'quill' seeing as you're writing about her or, indeed, the word 'spineless' to describe what she isn't :D

It definitely helps to have the whole storyline laid out like that. There are some good ideas in there, and I like that it's pretty unremittingly dark, but there are several points where logic breaks down, and you gloss over it with a breezy "this happens then this happens". Are there really...

Just sum up the purpose of the scene and the characters involved. If there's a three-page scene where two characters at the station discuss the best way to bring down the gang, that could be written as: "X and Y at the station discuss how to bring down the gang, and decide Z". Three pages...

My personal view - and there are probably more experienced people on this board who would disagree with me - is that your attempts to make the action blocks florid and poetic tend to get in the way of them actually being readable or making sense. I read the whole thing as you'd asked for...