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    logline Logline feedback for a drama, please and thank you

    My plan to write something from the logline out has been put on hold. Not only was it dragging, but I've got two scripts to get into shape before mid-December.
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    story It was all just a Dream

    One of my favorite dream sequence in film is in Apollo 13. Jim Lovell (Tom Hanks) dreams of landing on the Moon. In a film about how they don't get to land on the Moon, it is an eerily effective way of showing Lowell's ambition and giving the mission the importance it demands in the audience's mind.
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    logline The Sunset of the Last Logline

    Not really, but loglines should have titles. Right? Anyway... An inexperienced businessman is forced to choose between allowing his only investor to torture the startup's artificial intelligence product or hold to his ethics and risk losing the company.
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    logline Logline feedback for a drama, please and thank you

    Maybe? Not really. Just working the idea backwards, starting from the logline. It hasn't sunk its teeth into me yet, so we'll see. Like I stated in the initial post, this is a learning experience.
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    logline Logline feedback for a drama, please and thank you

    Well, yeah. That's why I'm doing this.
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    logline Logline feedback for a drama, please and thank you

    Still exploring to find that out.
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    logline Logline feedback for a drama, please and thank you

    I'm flipping it: After a directionless young man enters his life, a bored billionaire discovers a dark pleasure that threatens their lives and sanity. "threatens their lives and sanity" is an nice phrase, but it's backwards isn't it?
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    logline Logline feedback for a drama, please and thank you

    After a road accident, a young malcontent finds himself legally bound to the whims of a narcissistic billionaire who aims to break him as a person. I am intentionally working logline to script and outside of my preferred genre. You know, as a learning experience. I'm trying to not flesh it out...
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    logline Logline Critique, please and thank you

    I think the soup is in the can now. Briefly however, the story is a Raygun Gothic future (grease monkeys and flying cars, fusion reactors and surf rock) where the inventor has developed an FTL system and intends to use it to spread humanity among the stars. While the inventor is egalitarian and...
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    logline Logline Critique, please and thank you

    "An independent fry cook develops"... Kidding. Yeah, it is a bit "The Plumber plumbed", but it works and flows well. I think of it as "The Astronomer saw" or "The Politician argued".
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    logline Logline Critique, please and thank you

    I think it's dusted. To save a doomed colony ship, an independent inventor develops the first faster-than-light starship, destabilizing a politically tense solar system with the threat of war. I went extremely specific (the first episode) with the colony ship line and then went wide with the...
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    logline Logline Critique, please and thank you

    The real issue is that there is too much conflicting information to be found on the internets. There are no rules. While that sounds O.K. on paper, in reality that just means that no one agrees. It's not anarchy, it's chaos. I'm imagining a Hollywood under some form of governmental regulation...
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    logline Logline Critique, please and thank you

    Because on another forum some people complained that the first logline was too confusing and needed to be stripped of all flesh before it would be acceptable to be shown in public.
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    logline Logline Critique, please and thank you

    I truly despise loglines. Below is the butchered, bloodless carcass that describes next to nothing: An independent inventor develops the first faster-than-light drive to take humanity to the stars, usurping a solar system of greedy corporations and vengeful governments.
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    logline Logline Critique, please and thank you

    For a steaming sci fi series. I've crunched it about as far as I can by myself and wanting other eyes. Cheers. Under the specter of interplanetary war, a wealthy inventor leads a team of top scientists and intrepid adventurers against greedy corporations and corrupt governments to perfect the...
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    dialogue Repeating Parentheticals?

    I'm indicating where a characters voice is coming from and I want to know, do I need to keep repeating on every bit of dialog? Is it acceptable to provide this parenthetical on the first bit of dialog and then not mention again unless the situation changes? Here an example: CHARACTER A (via...
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    "Hello. Keep calm, answer the questions, and everyone will get out of here alive."

    Seeking a decent place to discuss screenwriting. I hope this is it. Like so many others, I bash on scripts. As of joining this forum I've written three movies and several episodes of a series. Sold none of it, but haven't tried to. Looking to get better before I start getting aggressive. How...
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