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    Logline critiques...THE FREEDMEN'S BUREAU

    This. The logline needs to be about the story of the character IN the surroundings and happenings. You've provided the setting, but you haven't provided us: The character (who we see/experience the story through) Their plot/arc and challenges. Although not an official logline, checkout this...
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    Problems with length.

    After reading a bit, my recommendation would be: Cut down on all the very specific direction in the action lines. Trim out a lot of the redundant dialogue. By redundant I mean that dialogue that tells us what we already see through action or that we can logically deduce without having to be told.
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    New here

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    movie-talk What's the last film you watched? And rate it!

    Men Don't Leave 7/10 from 1990. Some pretty good performances with young Joan Cusack, Chris McDonnell and Kathy Bates. Kinda uneven at times to portray each of the characters in a unique way. The Score by Randy Newman was a nice 1990 score. It was clear watching it that it was directed by...
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    Hey all!

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    Mark Needham-Screenwriter in Progress

    :hi: Screenwriter here was well.
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    Filmmaker Greeting

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    Help with a logline

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    Greetings from Chandler, az

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    Greetings from Persia!!!!

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    movie-talk What's the last film you watched? And rate it!

    Captain Fantastic 7.5/10 Pretty good flick about a deeply idealistic and sheltered family with believable characters whose lives are shattered by the mental illness and death of their mother at the same time that their maturing children are developing their own identities, wants and desires...
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    Help with a logline

    Neither of those would lead me to read them IMHO. Here's a different approach to help look at it from a different angle. A gay couple, dissatisfied and depressed at the current stagnant state of their love life, decide to begin an open relationship in an effort to rekindle their romance...
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    Greeting from South Georgia

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    Aristotle's Poetics
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    movie-talk What's the last film you watched? And rate it!

    Patriot (Amazon Series) 9/10 This is my second time through it. It's a brilliant slow burn character dark comedy. Sooo good.
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    watch Touching Kids, a mockumentary

    :thumbsup: Haha!
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    So my protagonist is quite unlikeable?

    This. "sympathetic" is also what it's called. Dexter was a serial killer but we were able relate to him and/or have sympathy at times. I watched the movie "Young Adult" with Charlize Theron. She is very unlikable. Her motivations are bad. But you end up feeling sorry for her and although you...
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    movie-talk What's the last film you watched? And rate it!

    Sweet Virginia 7.5/10 Well done and directed low-budget crime drama. Pretty well acted. Interesting was reading the very heavy on page directed screenplay from the China Brothers and then how pretty much none of it was adopted from the page to the screen. The director used his own style and...