The visuals are great. I hate the music but I'm not your target audience so ignore that
Re Japanese - you could probably get someone on Upwork or Fiverr or similar to review & correct the translation if no one here can do it. I'm sure it wouldn't cost much as it would be a very quick job.
Thanks for the review, I do appreciate everyone that helps me understand what parts are working and what parts are not.
This might be seen as defensive, but this one time, I'm going to defend the music choice, not that you're attacking it, just in general.
Ok, so some of you may have noticed that this isn't a particularly talent heavy soundtrack. In fact, it's a little dumb, so why did I use it.
It's because it makes the whole thing feel a lot less serious. It's kind of playful and stupid, and I think that it will effectively counterbalance some of the more heavy elements of my creative output.
I used to play guitar professionally in a number of bands, and I learned a trick during those years. I would sit in the studio and practice very complex fretwork for hours, days, months, years. And I'd get out on stage and people were impressed by that. But I found a way to up my game. I had done these things so many times, that I could pull little stunts on stage, and that's what got the lions share of attention.
Massive guitar solo using every technique in the book, they were impressed, but when I started playing that solo left hand only, while lighting a cigarette with my right hand, maybe checking a text message, it blew their minds.
The moral of the story, if you can do something very difficult, and make it look effortless, like you aren't actually taking it that seriously, it comes off as way more impressive than it actually is. That's why the fun, stupid music. I think that lack of self-seriousness will actually elevate the way people can enjoy the work that is there.
Anyway, no offense taken at all, I appreciate your understanding of the demographics thing. This work is intended to become popular with the same group of people that buy dorm room posters. Save Point will address a larger audience, but that's in the future.