Recent content by Jkds

  1. J

    critique Should I start over? Any feedback is welcomed.

    Your story is mainly about a ghost so I'm not too sure what you are asking with regards to it being too cliche? Do you mean your ghost is too cliche or that it's too cliche to have story about a ghost? I think @mlesemann has given you some great advice there, straight from the heart. Just to...
  2. J

    suggestion What do you want to see?

    It's a bit like Skype or Zoom from what I can undesrstand. But with some more customisable features. And cooler, obviously LOL.
  3. J

    critique Should I start over? Any feedback is welcomed.

    I think you could easily cut several pages from this to get it under your limit by just condensing your descriptions and actions. There's a lot of redundant words used. Take this scene: - INT. ROSE'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Meanwhile Thomas runs to her bedroom and tries to grab all the pills from...
  4. J

    misc Ask Us Anything About Screenwriting

    When you say a draft, are you just meaning a basic story that you've written, and you are asking how to put that into a proper screenplay format? I'm assuming you don't currently own any screenwriting software? If not, I'd recommend downloading some freeware for now so you can practice writing...
  5. J

    misc Screenwriting writing game - One Paragraph

    Heavy dumbbells oscillate in the air like a metronome. This man is a machine. Valerie has taken some shit in his life, and the MUSCLEHEAD he's noticed eyeing him has just entered his bad books. MUSCLEHEAD You done? VALERIE Fuck off! MUSCLHEAD Hahaha. Think you're a big man? Seen more meat on...
  6. J

    misc Various questions about screenwriting

    I think I would have found it much easier (and quicker) to write and, in my opinion, yes I think it would have turned out better had I gone into it with stuff I learned from the first experience. More importantly though, I don't think I would have become so exhausted and fed up with the project...
  7. J

    misc Various questions about screenwriting

    Ouch LOL! Well I've not tried to sell them, so I don't know. But I do know the writing, the plotting and the character arcs were all vastly improved. I learnt a lot from the mistakes I made doing the first one, that I was able to approach them with a greater knowledge.
  8. J

    misc Various questions about screenwriting

    I'm still waiting for that day to come LOL. The current version is a thousand times better than my first draft BUT it still isn't quite "right". The feedback from everyone who has read it has been positive, yet at the same time, it's missing... 'something'. And I'll be damned if I can figure out...
  9. J

    misc Various questions about screenwriting

    The other way to look at it logically is to ask the question "would that screenplay benefit in any way, from being the first screenplay that author has ever written, is it more likely to sell by being their first attempt at writing"? I'd find it hard to think of any reason as to why it would be...
  10. J

    misc Various questions about screenwriting

    Just from personal experience. The first feature screenplay I wrote, I still think has the best concept of all those I've written. Spent a long, long time on it but the finished piece is nowhere near as good as it should be. I've re-written it dozens of times now. But it becomes harder and...
  11. J

    misc Various questions about screenwriting

    I highly recommend Screenwriting for Neuortics, an amazing book. I've acquired a number of books and online courses over the years and would say this book taught me the most. Only one suggestion I would make here, if the story you have for your screenplay is one which you believe has genuine...
  12. J

    story ROSHAMBO - An idea for a limited 5 episode series

    Or there's some good clips on YouTube and some of the scripts available online if you're interested. They manage a lot of exposition in these scenes without making it sound unnatural.
  13. J

    story ROSHAMBO - An idea for a limited 5 episode series

    No, I don't think it is on Netflix. It's on Amazon Prime but costs extra and I think it's on Hulu but I'm not familiar with that platform to know the costs or if they do free trials. Would recommend watching it though to anyone looking for good examples of how to do gritty dialogue and...
  14. J

    story ROSHAMBO - An idea for a limited 5 episode series

    That's where the synopsis comes in handy. The exchange between Bill and Felix here sounds extremely similar to the one you posted previously with scissors and his friend in the bar. Even down to the friend/brother taking them to task over how they're treating their girlfriend/ex. They could...
  15. J

    story ROSHAMBO - An idea for a limited 5 episode series

    On another note, Bill's character reminded me a little of Frank Sobotka in The Wire in some places when he is being a bit more aggressive with Felix. His story/situation in the series is somewhat similar to your guy as well.
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