Recent content by Adeimantus

Thanks a lot, Suspire. I appreciate it!

Brief descriptions of major characters when first introducing them in a script are a generally accepted screenwriting standard because the descriptions ideally should foreshadow and enhance their personality and character later in the story. They may not be necessary to every reader, but they...

Huzzah! If you leave a review on Amazon, I'll be forever in your debt, good sir!

Mlesemann: Ha! Yes, it's confusing because the script I'm writing tells an adapted story, not exactly the same story as the book. Federico is in the book, not the script. Anyway, thanks again for your feedback!

mlesemann: Thanks for delving into the second excerpt. Yes, I'm aware of the expository heaviness it carries there. As usual, I'm up against the old bugaboo of trying to cram a lot (maybe too much) into the very limited space and time of a feature script. Novels are particularly resistant to...

Hi, Mlesemann Thanks so much for reading and the suggestions! Great idea to give an example of the transitions. I'm including a link to another excerpt (9 pages) of scenes where I move between the real world and the fantasy world. In the real world, I'm using her childhood diary as a technique...

Having been absent for quite some time, it's great to be back again. A few old monikers I recognize and many new talents! I was hoping for some feedback on a screen adaptation of a novel I published a few years ago. Back story: A young woman in an abusive relationship suffers a severe injury...

Oh, and I notice you stopped overusing character parentheticals to give acting directions, which is a bad habit to fall into.

This is an improvement. You're not directing the actors quite as much, and your action lines aren't as overly dense and detailed. You do need a short descriptive phrase when introducing each of your main characters, however, and unless you're sure the context makes it immediately clear that...

Hey, Uneducatedfan Really appreciate the read! A few explanations and answers. Mother runs back into the smoke to be with her husband, and realizes she is fulfilling a prophecy, and must submit to it. The Sheriff visits the Priest to check up on him. Just a social call, as well as an...

directorik, Thanks for reading and the feedback. I appreciate it. I agree on the main points. With regard to the uppercase words, I have to say I've watched your valiant fight against them for eight years since I started on this forum. I'm with you and agree. But I think we've lost the war. My...

This piece has been on the burner for two years in various forms. It's a collab, and I believe we're in the end game as far as revisions go (20+ major revisions). Any feedback would be appreciated. I'd consider a script swap if that would be of interest. I do prefer comments to be posted here...

It's all important. Let's say you're trying to sell a Lamborghini. And it's sleek, and fast, and every inch is honed to microscopic precision. But it has square wheels... You see where I'm going with this. If by "grammar," you mean your action descriptions are filled with grade-school level...

My pleasure! Remember, it's relatively easy to write a strong scene or two. What's damn hard is writing 60 or 70 of them and putting them together into a dramatic whole that works smoothly to tell a satisfying and enjoyable story. That's the real challenge! Best of luck with it!

Hey, UneducatedFan I liked this -- it was fun. A bit hokey, but fun. A few small things. Your villain, Varok, starts off using the most god-awful stereotypical backwoods accent and vocabulary, which would be kind of fun if you maintained it. But after a few dialogue blocks, you drop it for...