Recent content by Adeimantus

  1. Looking for fresh eyes on a TV Pilot

    Hey, Uneducatedfan Really appreciate the read! A few explanations and answers. Mother runs back into the smoke to be with her husband, and realizes she is fulfilling a prophecy, and must submit to it. The Sheriff visits the Priest to check up on him. Just a social call, as well as an...
  2. Looking for fresh eyes on a TV Pilot

    directorik, Thanks for reading and the feedback. I appreciate it. I agree on the main points. With regard to the uppercase words, I have to say I've watched your valiant fight against them for eight years since I started on this forum. I'm with you and agree. But I think we've lost the war. My...
  3. Looking for fresh eyes on a TV Pilot

    This piece has been on the burner for two years in various forms. It's a collab, and I believe we're in the end game as far as revisions go (20+ major revisions). Any feedback would be appreciated. I'd consider a script swap if that would be of interest. I do prefer comments to be posted here...
  4. How scripts should be critiqued? and by who?

    It's all important. Let's say you're trying to sell a Lamborghini. And it's sleek, and fast, and every inch is honed to microscopic precision. But it has square wheels... You see where I'm going with this. If by "grammar," you mean your action descriptions are filled with grade-school level...
  5. Feedback on first 10 pages please.

    My pleasure! Remember, it's relatively easy to write a strong scene or two. What's damn hard is writing 60 or 70 of them and putting them together into a dramatic whole that works smoothly to tell a satisfying and enjoyable story. That's the real challenge! Best of luck with it!
  6. Feedback on first 10 pages please.

    Hey, UneducatedFan I liked this -- it was fun. A bit hokey, but fun. A few small things. Your villain, Varok, starts off using the most god-awful stereotypical backwoods accent and vocabulary, which would be kind of fun if you maintained it. But after a few dialogue blocks, you drop it for...
  7. Quick help needed on a short (19 page) script

    Nope. Just the fact that she's basically a skeleton is kept hidden.
  8. Quick help needed on a short (19 page) script

    Sorry it didn't grab you, sfoster. And nope, nothing at all to do with Finding Nemo. Heh.
  9. Quick help needed on a short (19 page) script

    There is no widespread agreement as to one space or two. Surveyed English teachers in the US are split down the middle. The Chicago Manual of Style says one space, the Modern Language Association says one may be better, but two is perfectly fine. I do know one thing, however. "Douchebag" is...
  10. Quick help needed on a short (19 page) script

    I've tried repeatedly to communicate your excellent point to my thumb, but it insists, of it's own will and volition, to hit the space bar twice after a period. I've even considered amputation, but have reluctantly remembered that I need my thumb for grasping various objects including, but not...
  11. Quick help needed on a short (19 page) script

    Habit, left over from the era of typewriters, many eons ago, when it was the custom.
  12. Quick help needed on a short (19 page) script

    Title: Love Undying Pages: 19 Logline: Five years after his wife's death, a man keeps an appointment with her. Made it to the quarters, and have a short window until semis. They're allowing revisions before the semi-final judges read. Any suggestions or help would be appreciated, if you've got...
  13. Annnnnd, the madness begins!

    Cool avatar! Cool concept! Go forth, brave and badass comrade; these are dangerous times and guerillas with cameras are needed now more than ever! Excelsior!
  14. What does "poetic film" means?

    Imo, poetry conveys meaning and emotion with the use of various techniques including metaphor, simile, symbolism, subtext, etc. Films (the best films imo) employ some of the same techniques. That's what I'd call poetic film. The reference to film poetry is a pretty active subgenre where a...